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26 July 2020 at 8:35 pm #42540
Again, I’m afraid I don’t have anything useful to help but just wanted to say that you will come through this. My eldest now 28….we were at opposite sides to each other through his teens and I had no idea how to cope with it….and after about 18 we started to get on better. It does pass. I’ve now got these delicious years to go through with my 16 yr old daughter, 12 yr old son and 8 yr old daughter! Parenting is never easy is it – keep safe and take care of yourself 🙂 xx26 July 2020 at 8:30 pm #42539
I am so sorry that you had to go through this, and that it continues to be in your life. I am afraid I have no useful advice….but I couldn’t just run without saying anything.
I cannot begin to understand what you have been through….is some form of counselling an option for you? To perhaps help you work through the feelings that you have every time the boys go to him?
Take care of you xxxxx26 July 2020 at 7:59 pm #42536
I always had to focus on the fact that he is a good Father and just because our relationship was wrong, doesn’t mean that either of us are bad parents. I Have always looked at it not as his or my rights but the rights of my children to a relationship with their Father. Gawd he drives me doolally sometimes (and I am fairly certain he gets this too of me!!!!) BUT my kids love him and vice versa. He has since remarried and she is lovely. She is a far better partner for him than I ever was !! It was horrendous to start with as I wasn’t ready to let my children out of my sight yet so I did disappear under that blanket and sob for 48 hours Until they came back….I really did struggle. Even now, 12 years on, I miss them when they go to his 😉 When I finally drove myself forward to occupying every moment they weren’t there, it certainly made the time pass quicker…..under that blanket it drags and drags.
Best thing about it is that we are all civil with each other and in years to come, our children will very much appreciate how we did things with them as our focus rather than trying to outdo or punish one another 🙂
I won’t say it’s always been easy, but it is a whole heap easier if you can keep focus on your life and what you are using that time for 🙂 I found that a quick chat when they get back as in “you had a good time with Daddy & wife? – what have you been up to?” Whatever they choose to tell me at this point (which is never much!!!) is usually met with “ ooooo what fun” and similar gushy things. I’ve had to focus on their happiness rather than what they have done with him as that just used to upset me that I was missing their cheery smiles etc.
A new hobby or things that you cannot do as easily with a baby like going shopping And trying things on etc. Read a book uninterrupted, have a bath that lasts as long as you want it to…catch up with friends….but most of all, keep busy busy.
I hope it all works out for you – take care of you first and foremost. If you ever need a yarn, shout xxxxxx
P.S. I forgot to say…..they sometimes bawled their eyes out not wanting to leave me but I had to smile it through and say bye bye….you will have a wonderful time with Daddy. Mamma loves you so much…..and he would let me know when they got back to his that they were absolutely fine 😉 xx