Worried sick

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  • #16968 Report


    Evening all,

    I’ve posted on here about tax credits, how I’ve been giving my ex part of them and the child benefit I receive for our 2 girls. Well, today I rang the TC office, as he said that they had told him I should be giving him half of the money, or only apply for 1 child, and he can apply for the other. They said that under no circumstances should I give him any money, especially as since we split up in July, I’ve had the girls 75% ish of the time. He would like more contact but I don’t want this as I work PT so that I can be around to care for the girls. I’ve done this since the oldest was born.

    When I messaged him to tell him that I would no longer be giving him money, he hit the roof. He said that if I don’t give him any, he will take me to court for half of my pension (which he’d previously said he would forfeit) and full custody of the girls. As I have had mental health issues for a number of years, and did a very stupid thing and attempted to take my life in September (when I was at my lowest point having found out that he’d introduced them to his new GF and didn’t even have the courtesy to discuss it with me), and also had a one night stand when I was away with friends (obviously the girls were NOT with me at the time) he said he will argue that I’m not a fit mother. This is absolute nonsense- my girls are happy, healthy, safe and loved with me. I am on medication for my depression, have a good job and lots of family support.

    Has anyone ever had this happen to them? I’m worried sick that the courts will grant him full custody. The girls are supposed to be with him this weekend as I’m away and I’m terrified that he won’t let me have them back on Sunday night. I’ve forwarded his messages to my solicitor, but won’t be able to speak to her until the morning. Please, could someone tell me where I stand?

    #16975 Report


    Hey theyagojeanie

    The quick answer is no, absolutely do not give the money to him.  If he chooses to take you to court then on that you have no control, it will be expensive for him and not only do I very much doubt he will, but I feel he would be very unlikely to gain primary carer position citing your depression and a one off overdose as his primary concerns. The one night stand is absolutely nothing to do with your ability to parent children in a safe and loving way. If there were any concerns regarding your ability to safe guard your children in view of the overdose, this would have been raised at the time it happened. I think at some point in most folks lives, Anxiety and/or depression can be an issue. It can be long or short term, sometimes situational so a transient state. My advice to you would be continue being aware of how you feel and seek support from positive people (professional/family/friends) when you feeling mentally vulnerable.  Unfortunately no-one is immune including parents, and it is not justification for removing children from loving parents.

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