Worried my DD (12) is a liar and a thief

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  • #7601 Report

    ME80
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    I think my DD is a liar and a thief.

    I have gone to a jar I keep money in to put some change in to save for holidays I have found £60 missing in notes. I know it was there on Thursday as I used £10 to pay for a takeaway.

    My DD gave a me a tub of heroes for Christmas and now I can’t find them anywhere.

    Just confiscated her phone and found Twitter account, you tube account and snap chat account as well as an email address I knew nothing about. This comes after discovering she had an Instagram account I didn’ know about.

    I just don’t know what to do with her. She is so secretative and will not talk to me. She has been taking things of mine since she was about 5YO but always denies it’s her but no one else has access to our house.

    Any advice would be welcomed. My family are not supportive and I can’t talk to friends about it.

    #7604 Report

    Greenfingers
    Participant

    Me80 it’s pants when you’re kids do things like this, you work your behind off then feel like you’re raising a deceitful little ***

    ive also got kids of similar age. My priority in any confrontation we have is not to damage my open communication with the kids, I need them to feel like I don’t always tell them off. I need them to come to me and know that they won’t be reprimanded for what they are sharing with me, otherwise they won’t share it and that raises their vulnerability in this world. In this case, for me, I would acknowledge the money is gone. No matter how much you argue about it, it won’t come back. All it will do is destroy the relationship you have with your tween. Don’t hate her for it, we all make mistakes, adults and children alike. If your best friend was on a diet, would you put chocolate cake on the table when she came for a brew? No, so take the opportunity for her making the wrong choice again from her temptation. Put the money somewhere safe. In discipline I would simply explain that I’ve worked really hard and it’s taken me ‘X’ number of weeks to save that money towards a break for me and her as a treat, its really hard to earn money. If the money disappears then it doesn’t just remove her treat but yours as well. Potentially even set up a chore list in the house for which she earns her own money by helping out. She’s of an age where she needs to learn how to earn money. I’ve even shown mine the complete house budget, add a few extras on and they’re scratching their heads when incoming is less than outgoing 😂 They soon appreciate the sports club membership or mobile phone contract. Re technology, I hear you! I hate it. We no longer have wifi in the house, my son has a contract tagged onto my tariff which gives him unlimited calls/texts (so he can call me when he’s out), and 6gb data each month (capped). Once it’s gone, it’s gone. So he’s only intermittently on the above social media, but actually spends the majority of his socialising in person doing a sport he enjoys. If you do have wifi, I’m sure you can set limited hours of access to certain devices etc. Don’t feel like you’ve failed, that she’s bad etc she’s just a kid, and we’re all still learning

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