my husband and I recently separated- he was gambling and wouldn’t get help. After 8years I just drew the line in the sand – he refused to address it so I left. I’m lucky that I have a decent enough job that allows me to move on my own. Our 6yo came with me and I got set up in a nice flat just before all the lockdown.
our separation was amicable – no screaming and shouting, we sat down with our kid and told her what was happening, where she’d live etc. He even helped me move. Money talks were still difficult and he’s paying £120 a month outside of CSA – which I think it too little but he says he will also pay half of her swimming and ballet, plus holiday clubs etc so I’m ok with that for now.
I’m much happier and our kid was dealing with it very well at first.
Now he is trying to win me back, saying he loves me/misses me etc but still has t done anything about his debt or gambling. He is a good dad to the kid and she stays with him. He wants hugs and cuddles off me when we meet to handover the kid. Which I give to him but now I’m getting really concerned that my kid seeing that is just going to confuse her more and more.
we were never that “cuddly” during our relationship. Anyway I was hoping that school and everything would stay the same so that our kid just had this one major change of us separating but now her whole life is on it’s head.
I am so so worried now that I’m ruining her life or her mental/emotional state and that in the future she’s going to struggle because of all this circumstance.
she has been so good about it but for the first time this week cried and told me she wanted us to live together as a family. I listened and told her a simply as I could about it, how much we both love her, are proud of her, and to keep talking to me cos I’ll always listen and try to help.
I need to know if her seeing me and her dad hug is bad for her, I think it is, or any advice on what to say to her. She’s a great little kid and I don’t want to destroy some part of her