Worried about my son
20 February 2021 at 10:16 am #49727
I separated from my husband in June. It’s a bit complicated, but he refused to leave abs I had to move out with my two kids(5 and 7). My son, the eldest, was very angry to begin with . I have worked really hard to work through this with him. We did the angry gremlin book and he did a few sessions with play play therapist. He also speaks to someone at school weekly.
On the whole he is much better at my house. But he is still very angry around his dad. He has always been very close to his dad. As soon as we sees hun he starts hitting him and gets very angry.
His dad isn’t bothered about it. But, he gets quite physical back. He will lift him up or just assert force. I feel he is too rough, but I am not worried for my sons safety, more his mental health. It’s hard to know what to do when my son starts attacking and he is a big 7 year old. He wears 10—11 clothes. He is not overweight, but tall and broad and strong. I have tried really hard to help his dad. We talked about calm time and I bought him Lego and a timer, but his dad hasn’t done anything.
My son told me last night he has started to have nightmares about his dad killing him, by dragging him about and the way he handles him. He is always coming hone and telling me they had a fight and he was dragged around or pushed down. It breaks my heart. I have spoken to my ex about it every time and he just blames my son. He blames my son to his face too. I am totally lost as to what to do. But my gut is saying I need to do something. Any advice would be very appreciated20 February 2021 at 3:49 pm #49741
H20 February 2021 at 4:20 pm #49742
I’m so sorry to hear the whole situation.
I think it’s normal for your son to be angry, coz he wants both of you!
When he has one of his parents he gets angry and ask himself why am I in this situation!!!! As you know they are kids and your ex should understand this and he must stop blaming your son!
It’s so wrong to blame him because of this situation. Your son is not responsible about your split!
From my point of view, it’s better to talk with your son and start talking with him and ask him why he is angry? And show him sympathy about situation.
Hope thing gets better and stay safe!21 February 2021 at 4:09 am #49767
I had similar situations with kids being blamed when their dad was totally immature(which is why we were in this situation at all) and had no idea how to deal with the kids.I don’t have much advice besides for Perhaps get professional advice bc there’s a good chance your ex stands to lose his relationship with his son.I can only sympathize with you bc you want them to have a relationship but your hands are tied if the adult refuses to take advice and you have to watch the relationship fall apart(and deal with the tantrums at your end…..!),when really it could have worked out better.Wishing you lots of strength and sanity.I hope you find the help you need.21 February 2021 at 10:36 am #49777
I think his dad needs to change his parenting style completely. Your son is actually only 7 years old which is really young. I would let him lash out without doing what you say your ex is doing by restraining/fighting back. Instead everytime to begin with tell him its wrong to hit and lash out at people. You could then ask nicely for a short period why he is doing it. After say the honeymoon period of being nice whilst showing empathy and also giving your son time to adapt to something , If it continues then he would have to be punished to try and stop it.21 February 2021 at 11:14 pm #49812
Thank you fir your replies. My son went out with his dad today abs had a bit of a chat with him. My ex thinks it’s just about missing him, but I think it’s far more complicated than that. It definitely had to be addressed. I have made it clear that I think my ex has to do something about it now and deal with what is causing the anger, rather than get physical. I just hope you makes the changes. Unfortunately he often blames things on work. My son wanted to see him more when we first separated, he said he couldn’t because he was focusing on his career. He used these exact words to my son. He is now telling him his lack of patience is due to stress at work. It’s so frustrating that there is only so much I can do. Dreading him going there for weekend, even though I know I will need a break by then.