Worried about how finances will change if he moves in

[mumfordandsonsParticipant]

Ive been seeing my boyfriend for quite some time and he recently proposed when we were on holiday. I have 3 children from my previous marriage and he has 4 from his. I earn approx £950 so obviously get help with benefits and rent my own place etc, he earns about £1600/month and pays £600 maintenance. His kids live with the mum and they stay with him every other weekend and every Wednesday in his studio. Im worried about how much worse off I’ll be if he comes to live with me, bearing in mind my benefits reduced, I’ll lose 1 person council tax reduction, I’ll have way more mouths to feed etc and he gives a substantial amount to his ex (which I don’t begrudge), I wish mine did the same!! Can anyone give me any advice or has anyone been in a similar situation? Should I wait until we can both get higher paid jobs? I don’t want to put a financial strain on the relationship, I’m already struggling and just keeping my head above water. I’m also worried about space! And looking at somewhere bigger to rent. We’re so in love and our kids get on really well. He’s been such a positive role model to my kids it just makes sense to move in but I don’t want to ruin things by putting pressure on ourselves. Help…

[KathymumofoneParticipant]

I think you need to look up your benefits as a couple.

Spend some time on-line and work out what will change. As a household you’ll have an extra £1,000 a month but more mouths to feed, higher electricity & food bills, and lower benefits.

You need to agree how much he will contribute each month in terms of rent, bills and food before you do this.

[SOLOMUMMYParticipant]

If you look at a benefit calculator like entitledto.co.uk and that will give you a good idea. A lot in real terms.

I don’t often say this, but think that £600 would be hard to sustain in maintenance and not negatively impact on your unit.

[Ruby – moderatorParticipant]

Hello,

You can always call the Gingerbread helpline to get advice on your benefits entailment – 0808 802 0925.

The opening hours are:

Mondays: 10am to 6pm

Tuesdays/Thursdays/Fridays: 10am to 4pm

Wednesdays: 10am-1pm and 5pm-7pm

The helpline is closed on all public holidays.

• This reply was modified 4 months ago by  Ruby - moderator.

[SarahJTParticipant]

Hi, it sounds like you will lose your benefits if he moves in, so get an agreement signed to agree how much he will pay for the rent/bills and what will be included. Also probably worth seeing a solicitor to agree what will happen about the children if you do split. Best to agree all this before he moves in. Also a list of house rules would be good to agree before although you could do that more informally. You should be able to communicate about all this if it will last long term as communication will be so important. It would be good if you could move in together for a trial period of say a month to see if there are any deal breakers- there may be a side to him you haven’t yet seen although hopefully you’ve met a good one. Good luck! Sarah x

[GodsloveParticipant]

Is it possible to stay engaged and make a progression plan; for your individual selves and as a couple.

It’s lovely to hear the children get on very well. He sounds like he has been playing his part very right.

Financial strain on a relationship is very ugly and leads to a lot of resentment. Sorry to seems so negative.

There will be a lot you would be expecting of him financially especially as your life would be changing and almost at the expense of the marriage changing your financial situation. As you said before you are already struggling.

you love both each other and there’s no harm in waiting rather than throwing yourself into the depth of problems

i definitely agree with the person who said the £600 would have an impact on the unit

OR maybe you could try getting a higher paying job- enough to take you out of the benefit bracket

Try sitting down together somewhere; pen papers and do your most realistic calculations

Wish you guys well xx

 

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