Working mother/only child guilt

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  • #13148 Report

    Sassafrass03
    Participant

    Hi forum 👋

    I split from my son’s father back in October; it wasn’t messy, we’d kind of run into a rut and both, not very happy. He told me he was suffering with mental health issues, so I, like a mug, allowed him the space away from us he said he needed. Little did I know, through his troubled times, he was in fact building a fantastic new relationship elsewhere while he’d ‘abandoned’ his family as I’d found images online (social media a wonderful thing)

    Anyway, despite everything, I’d carried on regardless. My ex was my ex not my son’s, and until he’s old enough to know the truth, I’ll make his Dad out to be a god damn super hero!

    I’ve done the normal, carrying on we all go though, my routine has adjusted, you find your rhythm in life and juggle full time working and ‘part time’ mother. It’s hard, but you just find ways to navigate the childcare, swimming clubs, dance clubs, football ect in addition to a long 40 hour week and selling my house!

    Recently, I’ve been getting this horrible feeling that’s knocking me completely; I’ve be trying to make sure my son goes to visit family with me on holiday and we go out, weekend camping with me and him, beach visits; that’s the thing, it’s just me and him. The guilt that feel, is consuming me, I don’t have a big family, in fact I only really have my Dad, no other kids on my side.

    I don’t socialise, because I don’t stick around in the school yard long enough, my son is not getting the social networking a 7 year old should have.

    I don’t feel I’m enough for him. This is a terrible feeling of inadequacy, has anyone ever felt like this and how do you find ways to help these feelings?

    A very tired mum,

    Xx

    #13193 Report

    Sherinam
    Participant

    Oh don’t beat yourself up. Like yourself I’m on my own with a little autistic girl and not much family either . I work part time and everything I do is for my little girl.  You are a fantastic mum and no one is perfect.  Forgot the loser because that is exactly what happened to me ..I thought my ex was having it off with a Transexual  but it was in fact a woman and I was gob smacked how low he had sunk.  I thought Paris was our special place until I saw these two nasty ugly men snogging under the eiffel tower and it was all on the internet.

    He eventook me out  for the evening to a lovely place because he thought he could come back and I politely contacted his new bloke on line and told him where he was and sent pictures of us enjoying ourselves . The name was unusual but I pride myself in locating the images on social media.

    Go and pamper yourself because your son is happy and well taken care of xxx

    #13199 Report

    Sassafrass03
    Participant

    Thanks for the reply, and wow, what a story!

    I’m sorry you went through that, and he really didn’t realise what he had, I think a lot of ex partners think the grass is greener, when in fact it’s just fed with more bs. 😂

    #13201 Report

    AJ
    Participant

    Hiya

    i’m in a similar situation. Husband went off on the autumn with the mother of some of our daughter’s school friends. He moved straight on with her and her 5 kids. Our daughter lives with me and visits her dad. It’s been hideous but it’s settling down slowly.

    We have no family locally and I work part-time so it’s just me and our daughter a lot of the time. We go camping together too for short trips and I love it but am aware that the day will come when she doesn’t want to come away with me. I feel guilty about everything pretty much – that she’s an only child, that when she’s with her dad  she is now one of six kids, that we barely see the extended family as they are at the other end of the country, that I work too much, that I don’t work enough (because if I earned more, she wouldn’t have to go without so much) etc etc  I make a concerted effort to have her school friends over as much as possible and get her to join in with things. I find it tough as I’m naturally a bit anti-social myself but do it hoping that it’s best for her!

    i think it’s easy to beat yourself up a lot about it but you’re just making the best of the situation that you’re in and I hope that my daughter and I will come out of this with a particularly close bond.

    #13203 Report

    Sassafrass03
    Participant

    You are right, I think we always feel we can do more, or we are not doing it by the book.

    I’m sure your bond will be completely unbreakable, but it is so hard isn’t it?

    #13230 Report

    ourproject
    Participant

    I am a full time single dad to my 2 year old daughter. I grew up with no cousins, aunts, grandparents etc and felt that I missed out. I want my daughter to have that but it is just me and her, we don’t have any other family. The difference between my childhood and hers – she is loved.

    I feel a bit down that she too will grow up not knowing what a cousin or an auntie is – but I am confident the love I will give her will make that irrelevant.

    In terms of socialisation, I have got her in Nursery so that helps! I also have a good church community and we are often invited now and then to family socials which my daughter enjoys very much (as do I).

    Doing feel guilty. Just continue to show her love (look at Gary Chapman: 5 language of love for children) and your son will grow up to love you for it! I have my daughter in full time nursery (as I am a full time employee) but I make sure the evening and weekends are 100% ours – qualityyyy time!

    Stay blessed!

    #13286 Report

    Sassafrass03
    Participant

    Thanks. I’ll check that out 😀

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