Working mom seeks refuge.
9 July 2018 at 12:23 pm #13129
I am a young working mom and the sole carer for my almost 5 year old daughter and I can’t cope anymore. I struggle trying to be the best parent I can while working and trying to have any sort of social life. I fled a violent and abusive relationship from my daughter’s dad 4 years ago and have been on my own ever since. He wasn’t bothered about seeing her for a long time and I have no contact with him.
I find it hard to meet new people even for friendship and haven’t been on a date for 10 years.
I have close friends who are all maried with children who help me out so much but they have no idea how difficult and lonely it can be.
I feel anxious and tired all the time and I just want to give my daughter the best life I can. I feel like I’m letting her down as all else wants is a dad like other children.
Is there anyone who has been through something similar? Or anyone who can offer some advice?
Thanks in advance x9 July 2018 at 2:24 pm #13130
Danibear, it’s difficult to get out and socialise when you’ve got a young child and are a single mum. But if you can find the time / energy / space to do so there are many local activities, clubs etc where you can go simply to meet other people and widen your friend circle. Sometimes that needs to come before finding the romantic interest. Where in the UK are you?9 July 2018 at 5:12 pm #13139
Hi danibear, first off know that you are doing a good job raising your daughter.
i grew up witnessing my mum be the victim of domestic abuse and it was only in my early teens when it turned towards me did my mum have the courage to leave. Just being brave enough to make that step when your daughter was so young will be so beneficial to her.
unfortunatly I can’t help with the social bit as I’m quite new to the situation I’m in (mum has them over night 1 night a fortnight) and the rest of the time there with me. So can relate to the lonely ness.
Stay strong, look at your daughter and know you are doing all you can for her.
sorry I can’t offer more help, but sometimes it’s nice to be told your a good pearent as it can be a thankless job.10 July 2018 at 8:14 pm #13198
My daughter has no father in her life and I work part time. I tried online dating but met a whole bunch of mad people. so I thanked god that I hadn’t met these people just spoke . It was a waste of time but I did meet someone who I am not attracted to but we chat and meet occasionally. So.that is good enough for me
I am lonely too but there are groups like meet up thathas activities .to do. I do everything for my little one as she has autism and relies on routine and I hsve no family to turn to.10 July 2018 at 10:08 pm #13200
I can relate to some of what you are going though, thankfully I’ve never been in an abusive relationship, I’m sorry you had to go through that.
The only thing I can suggest is something that I try when I’m feeling a bit low/tired. I spend a while longer getting dressed up, nothing too much, just some day time glam, as if I was going out somewhere a bit posh for the day, and instead, I go to the supermarket, park or playbarn with my son. I’m not saying that you’re not glam anyway by any means lol but I know some days I’m lucky if I put my pants on the right way. Don’t underestimate the power of feeling better, you’ll go about you day differently and the law of attraction does work, having a social life doesn’t always mean going out dating for example, it might just mean being more social with your life xxx
All the best10 July 2018 at 11:12 pm #13205
I have had one night out in almost 4 years. I have a 4 and a 1 year old and no support. I know not everyone can stand only seeing the kids but I’ve had to just enjoy playing and spending time with them as I do nothing for myself at all. However I know this will really change over the next few years as they get older.as I have no baby sitting I won’t get to go out but I will enjoy little things for myself and I’ve decided to focus on making my house nice so that I will be able to invite people round seeing as I can’t go out.
I know it’s really hard but it encourages me that you clearly take your role as a dedicated mum seriously which can’t be praised enough. Much love. X11 July 2018 at 8:33 am #13211
Same boat – my 2 year old daughter lives with me full time. It is just me and her, no extended family support and the mother decided to start a new life with her boyfriend in Spain. However, it is important to carve out some time for yourself. I initially took her to all the playgroups I could find and found it a great way to socialise with other parents. Through there, I made some good parent friends who were more than happy to babysit on the odd occasion when needed – which massively helps! Even if it is for an evening once in a blue moon!
I am starting to also get support from a local church and find I have one to two evenings a week to myself. My house is pretty spacious – in fact, it not even my house…It is my daughter’s house as it looks like a nursery! My hope is to setup regular play dates on a Saturday at my home and nearby parks. Be nice to have a coffee with another parent whilst the little ones play together… I could certainly look forward to that each Saturday!
But yes, try get involved with local communities – play groups, church creches etc – don’t isolate yourself. I even attend park runs and there are other parents who do park runs with their buggy! (checkout parkrun.org.uk) and usually after a bit of time there a great opportunity to socialise and hang out.
One thing I have noticed, people are willing to help (I found this to be strange at first; partly because I am use to offering help NOT receiving it). Yesterday, a couple who babysit for me made me a home cooked meal (I think they realised that having my fridge packed with ready meals probably meant I could do with a good cooked meal!). It really touched me.
None of this would have been possible if I did not get out there , take my daughter with me and interact with people (it was initially easier to just stay at home and ponder how my life ended up the way it did).
My whole mindset has shifted. I no longer live with my daughter… I live with my mini-best friend who happens to be my 2 year old daughter ;-P12 July 2018 at 10:05 pm #13324
I started taking my daughter to play group run by local church. I was lonely and had no one really as both my parents died before daughter was born . I went back to work when she was 10 mths but the church kept in touching knowing I was from a different religion. Anyway to cut a long story short they were the ones who invited us to lunch. Came and helped with my little one when I was poorly
So help and kindness came not from my own but from the church family who adopted us. I take my daughter to church at certain times and they treat us like vip’s . I think it is important she goes as they look out for us and it’s good that she knows about God too.12 July 2018 at 10:51 pm #13325
Amazing – they sound like a great church! Yep, my church family have stepped in where my family has not. 👍13 July 2018 at 7:17 pm #13376
Yes it’s been amazing how kind they are. My daughter now has a nanny who ran the creche at the play group and she will wait for.my daughter to come home from School until I get home. My daughters bew school is 45 imons away and she has been awarded a travel bursary so all exciting. I will pay her but I have no idea what I would have done if I hadn’t met these lovely people.