Working all the time and feeling like a bad mum

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  • This topic has 3 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 2 years ago by Sara_a.
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  • #17191 Report

    Sara_a
    Participant

    Hi,

    I’ve just joined and this is my first post. I’m just having a really stressful moment. I work full time in a job I love but which right now if quite stressful and full on. I have a 3 year old daughter and 12 year old son. This morning I had to present something on an 8am call and although my daughter had drawing things, snacks, toys, Ipad, she just wanted me and screamed ‘mummy’ the whole time I spoke. I had to stop and was nearly in tears as I couldn’t do my job and also felt like I wasn’t responding to her properly.

    People were OK about it but there was only one other parent on the call and her partner was looking after her kids. I feel like it’s really hard for people at work to completely understand that I have no back up, and if people schedule meeting or calls at a time when I have to look after kids or at school run time, it’s massively stressful. I’m lucky in that I have quite a lot of control over meetings and can ask for some to be scheduled differently but now always.

    Does anyone else have a similar experience? I feel like I am constantly trying to do everything at once and never doing anything very well.

     

     

    #17192 Report

    Shirl26
    Participant

    Hi Sara

    Firstly, you are not a bad Mum, look at your two children, they are testament to the fact you are a great Mum doing the very best for your children, give yourself a massive Pat on the back!

    It’s easy to perceive the negatives in a stressful situation such as juggling work (particularly conference calls) and family, especially if you are a single parent. I could well imagine your silent plea to your daughter for just a few more minutes while juggling the phone and scrambling to get another toy to distract your daughter for just two more minutes whilst you try albeit in vain to prevent the other callers from hearing your daughter call on you!

    Truth is more often than not it’s our own perception of the situation that we actually begin to believe that false perception of ourselves.

    Try not to stress yourself out by worrying about what time you may have missed spending with the children as this will consume even more time and is counter productive and feelings of guilt can overwhelm us.

    It might be worth promising yourself a little hour or two where you can enjoy spending time with yourself and the children uninterrupted!

    You are a wonderful mother, tell yourself that every day x

    #17260 Report

    beewithtea
    Participant

    <span style=”color: #1a1919; font-family: Lato, sans-serif; background-color: #fbfbfb;”>hi, “I feel like I am constantly trying to do everything at once and never doing anything very well”. It is because you are overloaded. Natural feeling, as we are tought informaly that good parents HAS time for kids and MANAGES it all. unless you EARN. There are good books about how to manage, but… you must have TIME to read that, reflect and renew… Is there someone who could play with your kids while you are busy? Young causin? I’m new in London already cheated by landlords and even an employer, was catching all possible jobs, was cooking and cooking as me and my son must eat low gi diet and lots of products are no no… so my first reaction to your problem was “oh good at least you are earning”. but ofcourse it is not the message to leave with. Can you relax? together with kids? play relaxation  tent? Lieing in shavasana all three heads in the middle so you all form kind of a circle and that could be done in a transparent material tent, similar to those on beds. relaxing, fun, like a new room. kids loves such spaces. you can be quiet, then talk. and your SPINE will rest after hard day 🙂 </span>

     

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