Will I be OK
23 September 2018 at 1:27 pm #16040
I hope you’re all well?
I’m new to gingerbread and could really do with some support (I tried another forum and got ridiculed and judged).
I’m currently pregnant with my first baby. Unfortunately he wasn’t planned and the father wants nothing to do with him as it will ruin his life. The father only came back to persuade me to have an abortion and because I didn’t agree he ran for the hills. I have tried contacting his parents to inform them that they are expecting their first grandchild and they have not bothered either.
I do suffer from mental health issues(which I am getting help for) and I have cried near enough everyday during this pregnancy as I am struggling to come to terms that I am doing this on my own.
I feel like I’m always alone and I’m struggling with having to give up my freedom and independence to move back in with my mum (not a great relationship as she also has mental health issues), I’ve had to give up my job as I’m moving away. Started eating into my savings and currently worried about how I am going to pay my bills as I am not entitled to SMP.
I just want to know that there is light at the end of the tunnel. I just can’t see it and I’m terrified that I will blame my little boy. Its not his fault and to be honest with you I had such a bad reaction when I found out he was a boy and not a girl because all I could think of was all the rubbish that men have put me through and I just don’t want to see my son do that to someone else so it scared me a lot and that broke my heart. I felt like I was giving up on him before he’s even here.
I just have so much anger towards friends and family around me as no one has bothered and if they have, it’s only to tell me that I should get on with it and forget the hurt that the father has caused.
I just feel like there’s no way out.23 September 2018 at 5:53 pm #16046
Hi, I’m here to tell you YES there is light at the end of the tunnel. Your story has similarities to my own. My child is now in their twenties and their the best thing that has happened to me. When I became pregnant I was studying and broke up with the father shortly before the birth. I decided that whatever happens that I was going to be the best parent I could be for my child. A breakup is never easy but over time I eventually healed. I decided that whatever I was doing in life my child was going to be a part of it and that I was going to make sure I created happy memories of them. I started to prioritorise my focus and the way I was thinking, I started working towards future goals for me and my child and worked towards being positive. Try focusing on the future and what you want, some times the steps to get there might be challenging but worth it to reach your end goal. There are some recruitment agencies that are now specifically geared towards parents and advertise jobs as such working part time, working from home, etc. Try to avert your anger and think about the great times and memories you are going to create for you and your child. Your going to make and be a great mother to your child. Hope this helps.23 September 2018 at 7:37 pm #16049
Thank you so much C2018. I think I’ve just lost myself and I’m terrified of the unknown. Like I have seen how employers treat pregnant women and women with children and that worries me.
Thank you very much for a the advice about agencies that are out there for parents which I never knew.
I do try and think about the future and making memories but I do think my mental health plays a big part when it comes to me doubting myself lately. A lot has changed so quickly and I’m still trying to work on all of them.
I can’t really say I was in a relationship with the father but I didn’t get pregnant on my own. I guess that doesn’t really matter as its all done to me.
Thank you again and you’re right focusing on my future and my child is what I need to do. I just lose myself sometimes.23 September 2018 at 8:25 pm #16051
Happy to help. The unknown was scary to me to as I didn’t know how I was going to cope. You will have good days and you will have bad days, but once you are clear on your positive goals and your future, on the bad days remember your goals that you are aiming for this can help you to think less of your bad days. Your son could be the next Mark Zukerburg, Footballer, Scientist for he’s generation, it might sound far fetch but you just don’t know. You may decide that you want to start your own business rather than going to work, there are many organisations that help with starting your own business, it all depends on what you want and see for you and child’s future. Getting help with your mental health issues is a great way to build awareness I wish you every success.25 September 2018 at 11:35 am #16094
Thank you so much. I’m definitely having one of those bad days today. I just have to take it an hour at a time.25 September 2018 at 1:33 pm #16100
He has to pay for the child (i.e. maintenance). If he doesn’t then he is in a lot of trouble, and the fact that you can track him down hopefully through his parents means that he can be contactable. There are other benefits that you can apply for too.
Keep your head up. You’ll get through it. Other people have, you will too.