Wife’s dropped the bombshell!
13 May 2019 at 1:15 pm #24879
Hi, I can’t believe I’m on here as last week my life seemed so normal. Last week while watching my son play football I got a phone call from my teenage daughter in tears asking me to come back home because “moms being a ***** to me again”. I arrived back home after the game hoping that the dust had settled but the wife was still ranting, the argument was about housework as usual but this time my daughter dared to tell her mom that everyone else did most of the housework as she was never at home and always at work. I have been used to playing peacemaker between them but this time the wife just said “sod the lot of you, I’m moving out”. I naturally thought that she was letting off steam and would calm down but almost a week later she’s got it all planned to move out and leave me the house and the kids.
My my mind is all over the place at the moment as 28 years of marriage looks like coming to an end and weirdly it looks like she wants to walk away from the kids. She says she’s fed up of the mess, the arguments about housework, the constant battle against debt etc. She claims we’ve been leading separate lives anyway but when she gets time off she’s never wanted to do family stuff instead wanting to go around shops or work on the house which the kids don’t want to do which leaves me to entertain the kids and sort out their football/swimming/ days out etc. I thought that we complimented each other and made a great team. I can’t believe she wants to leave the kids but I’m slowly resigning myself to it. I’m already looking at cutbacks to improve my financial situation to pay the bills on my own ( she earns twice my wages). I’m more concerned about how the kids will cope when it happens. I didn’t suspect anyone else was involved but I’ve since found a gift tag from Xmas in her purse labelled with love from a bloke that she works with. Why would she have kept that if it doesn’t mean anything? I’m not sure that it matters to me anyway, it’s just clouding the situation even more and it’s solutions for the future that I need to concentrate on now instead of answers from the past. Sorry about the rambling but everything is still very raw, unnerving and frightening.14 May 2019 at 2:28 am #24895
After 28 years, that must be a huge shock. I found it best to concentrate on practicalities to begin with. Write out a monthly household budget – mortgage, bills, money for children/school costs, haircuts, insurance, everything you can think of.
If your wife doesn’t want to take part in caring for the children, then she will have to pay maintenance while you do. Check out the CMS calculator and the govt benefits calculator.
If the marriage is over then it’s best to deal with it as calmly as possible. The fewer arguments, the less stressed your children will be. If she’s already checked out of the marriage then you are right, whether there is another man or not isn’t really that important, although terribly hurtful.
And Gingerbread is great for advice from dads who have already been through it. I hope it gets easier.15 May 2019 at 8:55 pm #24929
Kathy is right, your ex wife should pay maintenance. You need to sort out the practicalities of everything because from what I’m understanding, your ex is not willing to help in that sense.
How you are as a dad to these children is the most important thing. I know it will hurt if your ex doesn’t want to visit the kids as often as they like. But you can’t control what she does, I’m afraid.
Good luck, you sound like you are doing good 😀16 May 2019 at 1:29 am #24935
When my wife asked me to leave (we’ve since divorced) a friend said to me there’s always someone else and sometime later I found out they were correct in my case.
Practically speaking make sure you apply for tax credits ASAP, if you haven’t already, and get Child Maintenance sorted. Involve the CMS if necessary and use the calculator on .gov website to ensure you’re getting the correct amount.