Why is he different with his new girlfriend

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  • #52254 Report

    Singlemummylife
    Participant

    Hi all I’m new to hear so hoping someone has some advice for me. My ex husband left out of the blue 2 yrs ago after 15 yrs together and 10 years married told the kids the same day daddy’s not coming back said he’s not in love with me anymore and that there wasn’t anyone else. He was always out at football or work and I brought up our 2 kids mostly on my own. We found out last week he has a new girlfriend he met 7 months ago on a dating app who has a 3 yr old boy with whom he spends most of his time. The kids don’t really want to see him and only ever see him for 2 hrs every other week. He never phones them but will text throughout the week. I’m finding this whole situation really hard and especially now he has a new family, We have been divorced for 2 yrs now and everyone keeps telling I should have moved on by now but I haven’t and I’m really worried I will never move on. He says he wants to be a better dad but never puts the kids first.

    #52262 Report

    Ishtar
    Participant

    He isn’t different. It is just the relationship is new and he is putting the effort in. Fast forward 15 years ( if it lasts that long) and he’ll be no better with her than he was with you.

    In what way have you not moved on? Do you want him back ? Or do you want the dream of an intact family?

    Try writing a list of all the things he missed. All the times he wasn’t there. All the things he did that weren’t good.

    Look inside yourself too. You say he wasn’t here a lot of the time. Is that what you feel you deserve – an absent partner?

    Being a single parent.can be hard work. Tho tbh is it really much harder than it was with him? If he didn’t do much… I found I had to be more organised with eg food shopping and it was hard when I was ill and noone could take the kids but overall I think being single is easier than really g with him the way he really was ( note the way he was – not the way he could have been . Its a big difference).

    You don’t way how old your kids are..it is good.they maintain some contact.with their dad via text. When he did phone did you try and talk to him? Whatever your feelings he has moved on and you have no control over his feelings or actions . All you can do is look at your own.and.the impact they may be having on the situation.  If your kids are old enough tho you don’t need to speak to him. Try grey rock .

    And look at what else you have in your life. Look at work, friends, hobbies..What do you want to do post lockdown?

    Be kind to yourself and good luck. Xx

     

     

    #52273 Report

    Singlemummylife
    Participant

    Thank you for your reply. I do miss the nice him and being a proper family. I still think about him all the time and worry that this feeling will never go.

    at my age it’s hard to meet anyone so I suppose I feel like I’m going to be on my own forever.

     

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