Why do I let him bother me

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  • #53957 Report

    Kaze
    Participant

    My husband left me 5 months ago after he said there was someone else. Then he said there wasnt he just didn’t want me to be unhappy  (he drank a lot and was secretive). Then he said he would like to try counselling.  He text me all of the time, got me a valentine’s card and said love you.

    Then he started to disappear at weekends not visiting the children andd6 lying about where he had been. I later found out it was hotels. Last week he told me he was talking to someone. I know her. She lives locally.  He told the children. My youngest was devastated.  She covered her ears and wouldn’t listen. Today she made him a card saying stop seeing that girl. I wasn’t going to tell him but then thought he should know how she felt. He said he would talk to her. He didn’t just talk, he showed her pictures and basically bragged. I feel sick. Like he is trying to sell this girl to our kids as a better more fun option . He has broken my heart, taken my life and now I feel he is try to take the only thing that keeps me going.  My kids..

    #53958 Report

    Gingey28
    Participant

    He will soon get fed up with her and her with him if that’s how he treats his wife then she isn’t going to last long. Don’t understand why people want to move on straight away but he kept you thinking you both were going to work that is unfair. It is natural your feeling this way

    She will never be their Mum and don’t worry about that

    I’m going through a break up atm but tbh we are always on and off but it just doesn’t work we argue all the time and same nasty stuff to each other no point in that.

    Hope you have a good Sunday

    #53966 Report

    Gummibear123
    Blocked

    He won’t take your kids off you! If he really likes her he won’t want to run the risk of kids messing things up….I think.Bc kids are ‘messy’.He sounds immature showing her off to young kids who’s lives he’s ruining ,precisely bc he’s with her! If course it upsets you-it must be bc your human.At the moment it Is all fun for him,if she’s not got kids she’s gna have more time and patience for him and it appears some men are as needy for attention as 2 year olds are.I’m sorry you have to go through this on top of the anguish of being left & feeling your kids pain,it’s a lot to deal with mentally and as she’s local it’s in your face.💗

    #53973 Report

    Kaze
    Participant

    We were together 25 years and he certainly won’t be taking my kids. He hasn’t been a hands on dad for awhile and she has has no children and still lives with her parents.  He is very immature and selfish.  The situation is making me ill.  I’ve decided I cant control things he does and says but I can give my kids good memories and not let his actions affect them. They don’t even mention him when he’s not in sight. I know I will get upset and have things to deal with because I still have feelings for him but hopefully they will pass.

    #54002 Report

    Nicki44
    Participant

    I know I’ve says it before but I can’t believe how similar your life is to mine…It is such a horrible thing thinking of them with someone else.I just try and take each day as it comes and enjoy and cherish your time with your children because I’m sure they have got a lot more respect for you than they have at the moment for their dad…My children haven’t seen or spoken to their dad for6 weeks now because of all the lies he told them to cover up that he was seeing someone and now he has told them(well he messaged my eldest son to tell him,didn’t have the decency to tell me or our other two children) he is seeing someone now they still don’t want to see him because they have lost respect for him.
    Take care

    #54005 Report

    Kaze
    Participant

    That sounds familiar.  He is a coward.  My husband pops in quite often during the week to see the children.  He only stays about 20 minutes but it has me on edge. I think I’d prefer him to come less. He only comes to tick his conscience and so he can tell people he sees them , even though he sits on the sofa and doesn’t do anything with them. More and more lies are coming out and I just hope that one day my children realise this and dont get sucked in.

    #54006 Report

    Nicki44
    Participant

    I used to feel the same,he used to come to our house 3 evenings a week bringing them sweets and would sit there making small talk or fall asleep.It got to the stage I would dread the days coming.its not fair that they get to swan in and out as they please then leave you dealing with all the daily chores and the tears to deal with.One evening my daughter who is only 4 got upset when he went to go and asked him to come back home with us and he snapped at her and started shouting at her and she got even more upset,so I took her off him and he grabbed his shies and shot out of the door.He hasn’t had to deal with any of the tears from the children yet he could deal with that one incident.He was always such a happy caring man who would do absolutely anything for his family it’s just so hard to see how someone can change so much….it was our sons birthday on Wednesday and he didn’t show up and I’m sure it was because he was scared at the response he would get but even so he is their dad and at what point is he going to try and win their trust and respect back?
    Are you local?if you was we could possibly  up for a coffee and a chat as I can’t believe how similar your situation is to mine

    #54014 Report

    Gummibear123
    Blocked

    A lot of them react the same.It’s like a mixture of guilt but not wanting to have to take any responsibility.It’s weird how they curdle after they’ve upped sticks.Mine used to be like that as well at the begining (Now he’s gone even more peculiar)😳

    #54049 Report

    Kaze
    Participant

    They are definitely a different breed. I have often commented on my disbelief at the change in him but he swears he is still the same person. I must of been foolish to marry him if he was this childish and selfish back then too.

    Nikki44 what area are you from?

    #54053 Report

    Ishtar
    Participant

    Hi, you need to find Chump lady’s blog. It is set up by an American woman who was Chumped ( cheated on). It is both quite funny and has some good ideas on how to keep your sanity. There are quite a few Brits there too.

    Set up times he can get take the kids out – it is your house now. He lost the right to come and sit on the sofa whenever he wants when he left. Decide what works for you that you think is reasonable – maybe look at the total time he spends with them. If he doesn’t do any overnights how about a coupe.of.hours one night a.week and an afternoon one weekend day a fortnight?. If that doesn’t suit him ask him what does. But.in my view as he lives locally he shouldn’t.be setting foot in your house.  As I say to my kids daddy isn’t in my family any more daddy is in their family and his girlfriend’s family but not mine. I worked hard to remain civil but he is not my friend. He comes in to use the toilet ( long drive to collect kids ) and sees kids once a month so he can be fun dad.

    Please – set boundaries. And.good luck.

     

     

    To quote chump lady – is this relationship acceptable to you. What would you recommend your best friend do if they were in this situation.

    Good luck.

     

    #54054 Report

    Ishtar
    Participant

    Sorry – on phone.  for some reason a middle bit I thought I had deleted ended up at the end 🙈 oops

Viewing 11 posts - 1 through 11 (of 11 total)

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