Why do I feel so bad?

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  • #10466 Report

    Starlite31
    Participant

    Hello,

    I am a mother of two and has been seperated from my husband for 9 months now. Thru these 9 months, it has been a rollercoaster ride. I’ve slowly started to accept that he didn’t want to come back and then this week after I received evidence of what he was doing with the lady he called a friend he suddenly wanted to come back. I said no and in returned he got upset and said well don’t say i didn’t try cause I tried this week and you said No. followed by well since you said  no then I don’t have to cut “her” out of my life. You could have had me but you said no.

    i don’t know how to make him see that .. when things were and are broken .. and it’s not a one week thing that will make it change..

    he suddenly says he doesn’t want to see the kids anymore either.. which I feel soo bad about.. cause it feels like it’s my fault that he doesn’t want to now.

    Please help..

    #10467 Report

    Westernchampion
    Participant

    Hi there. It sounds like he wants everything his own way and when that’s not happened he is saying things to hurt you. If he genuinely wants to come back he should work hard at trying to make that happen but it will take time and it’s still your decision.  A decent man wouldn’t say he didn’t want to see the kids and you definitely shouldn’t think its your fault.

    #10468 Report

    Starlite31
    Participant

    Thank you. I know any decent man wouldn’t say such hurtful things, and I think it’s fair to say if he really wanted it he wouldn’t put a time limit on trying would he?? I just feel like I’m always in the wrong and I can never do anything right in his eyes. Which I know I probably shouldn’t really worry about anymore since I can’t really see a fair and respectful future with him. But I guess it just hurts to always be blamed for everything that goes wrong ..and his parents don’t see it and only keeps asking me to take him back and I don’t know how to explain to them anymore that I really can’t see a future with him.

    Its hardest cause all my family support is a million miles away and I’m here on my own ..

    #10470 Report

    Empty
    Participant

    Well, really, that’s no different to what you had before but for some reason he’s trying to make you feel guilty about the relationship not working! As for not seeing the kids – that’s up to him. He’ll still have to pay for them. I suspect he’ll review his action re: the kids in time. He wants to make you feel bad, like it’s your fault. Well, neither situation is your fault. I think just say fine – it’ll probably irritate him. Say, “You could have built a relationship with your children and given them a Dad to look up to. But you said no. Your choice”.

    Looked at one way it’s a bit like he’s saying, “unless you want the children to have no relationship with me, you better allow me to have sex with you and be grateful, and accept I might occasionally have affairs (or whatever the hell else I want to do)”.

    As for support, we’re all here for you, and there are bound to be local groups. You can also try: Family Lives 9am-9pm weekdays, 10am-3pm weekends FREE helpline 0808 800 2222 http://familylives.org.uk if you need support with a specific issue or even finding out about support networks.

    All the best.

    #10478 Report

    Starlite31
    Participant

    Thank you for the support. It is greatly appreciated. I will continue to make sure my children are coping and well.

    #10482 Report

    Westernchampion
    Participant

    I know myself what it’s like not to have any support and when family only have one side of the story but people on hear are great.

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