Why do I feel guilty?

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  • #5528 Report


    Hi all

    I’m in a bit of a bind at the moment and feeling confused and guilty about it

    My ex and I split in May this year and in October he told me he was now seeing someone else, and she has a kid the same age as ours

    My initial reaction was pure rage followed by me spiralling into this pit of loathing and self doubt and low self esteem, which I am slowly climbing out of

    Problem is, as the ex is still in our house, I am constantly reminded that he is now with someone else, because although he is not outright rubbing it in, I am aware of when he goes out, when he talks to her, gifts he buys her – they get delivered here!

    We were open about it and I know the ins and outs of who she is and how they met so its not that he’s keeping it from me deliberately.

    I don’t actively ask about her, or what they do, although I can probably guess, and half the time don’t want to talk to him or even look at him as I feel incredibly uncomfortable in my own skin. A lot of it is as I now need to be independent from him. My day to day now has to be just ‘me’ as I almost train myself to live alone once he has gone. So whilst I’m not rude and we are ok in front of our daughter, I just don’t want to bother with him anymore

    But, I feel guilty about that. I feel like I’m almost being incredibly difficult about it all. But then I also think well why the hell not! He’s gone, why shouldn’t I protect myself and my own interests!

    Or have I gone mad or am I being harsh??


    #5531 Report


    You must have to be strong to deal with him being in the same house and experiencing him meeting someone new etc. I, totally think that you are doing the right thing in that you are protecting yourself and preserving your sanity. You sound very strong!

    #5547 Report


    I’m not sure why you feel guilty.  Although most probably it’s just me not being civilised enough to think of all this as bearable, I think that living together with your ex is just soul crushing on yourself.

    Maybe if you had a partner too it would be different, but then what would be the point in living with your ex who has found someone else?

    I’m glad you are relatively OK with the situation, I would have thrown him out on day one.  I don’t even think that would be harsh, just self preserving.  A happy mama is better than an unhappy one.

    #5549 Report


    Well our split was amicable and came after 18 mths of up and downs and the reason not left yet is purely financial, for both of us

    Your not alone, everyone we know tells us the same but we thought long and hard about it

    Obviously the new gf was a big shock and probably made our current situation more awkward and more difficult but I’ve got to cope with the current setup as best as I can

    I’v since told him how I felt and he understands, and somedays are better than others

    #5559 Report


    Sounds like hell,I would be making it a priority to finding a solution to the housing situation,good luck.

    #5603 Report


    I agree with participant, pack his bags!! I know it’s not that easy but you are definitely not the one who should feel guilty, angry would be more suitable, hope you get it sorted, it’s not easy going it alone, but far easier than accepting bad treatment. I hope you are not washing his pants! My ex still expected me to even when we split, what?!!

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