Why can’t I leave my relationship

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  • #18878 Report

    Lfp5
    Participant

    5 and a half years I have committed my life to a man that can’t spare me 30 minutes of his time.

    In a nut shell he has children from another relationship, messy divorce that I was stuck in the middle of, lulls me into a false sense of security only to disapoint time and time again.

    He has put me through so many hard, testing and emtional times that I don’t know who I am anymore.

    We have 2 beautiful girls, 1 is only a baby yet my other daughter is older and he “buys” her affection … which is working and it hurts me so much.

    I could go on and on about all the horrible things he has said and done to me. Only today I was told to “do everyone a favour and go and kill myself, no body wants you here” considering I know I’m not well, mentally, that’s really hurt.

    I’m trying to get help but the NHS just don’t seem to have the resources and I don’t know who to reach out to or how to get out of this horrible relationship. I’m so frightened he will turn my daughters away from me when they are my world. Not so much his, just a weapon to hurt me.

    I don’t know what to do…

     

    #18879 Report

    Sunshine16
    Participant

    I’m sad to hear what you are going through. I have tremendous help from women’s aid. From what you talk about it seems you are in a tough situation. Hold on and be strong.  Whether you are at a point where you are wanting to stay in the relationship but having another ear to talk may help you decide what is your best you and your kids. No one needs to be told what you have been by your partner. Not nice or helpful and words hurt. Hope you are safe x

    #18889 Report

    Lfp5
    Participant

    Thankyou for your kind words it means a lot. I will look into women’s aid. I did see a private counsellor last year and he helped me tremendously but as I’m on maternity money is tight. My two girls are honestly the only things keeping me going. I would never want to leave them both solely in his care, his money would only go so far to buy their affection.  Since having my second daughter friends that I did have seem to have disappeared, I have my mum and dad who are incredibly supportive but I don’t want to burden them.

    I didn’t think the police would take something like that seriously, and I would only aggravate the situation more.

    In answer to your questions

    1. No we are not married

    2. We have a mortgage together

    3. I have lots of family very close by, but he has blind sided some of them. Putting on this act that he is mr perfect.

    4. I’ve touched upon it with my Mum but like I said I don’t want to burden them and I’m frightened of what will happen if she or my dad get involved, because they would as they are incredibly protective.

    5. We have a joint account but only for bills, I have my own private account and as far as I’m aware he has multiple. I do drive and work but I’m currently on maternity and won’t be going back to work until early next year.

    #18917 Report

    Hi Lfp5.  Thank you for sharing your experience with the forum.  It looks like the other parents out there have been able to provide you with some useful support and signposting.  I have sent you a private message with some other suggestions of agency contacts.  GingerbreadJustine.

    #18936 Report

    Agee
    Participant

    Im really sad to read ur story , reminds me of my own one , i was in abusive relationship , 2 months after i left him for good ( i did try a few times before)  i realised i was pregnant ..most of the abusers act charming and lovely on the surface , probably blaming you for all the problems . U deserve nothing but love and respect . Do whats best for you and your children , u r very lucky to have supportive family around , i have no single fam member around  , what i always knew was that i never wanted my daughter to go though any trauma witnessing abuse at home. The fact that he’s “buying “ur daughter affection tells a lot about his character , ur daughter has a mind of her own and sooner or later she will realise things for herself. Big hugs for you love , stay strong xx

    #18951 Report

    Marley
    Participant

    I can relate however mine was the reverse my ex wife to me I was worthless and could only produce broken children as my child is trans

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