Where to start
Tagged: Newly separated
25 October 2021 at 4:28 pm #61874
I’m sure my story is not that different to everyone else’s, but here I am newly separated Dad of of 3 young boys (9, 7 & 5) , in my early 40’s. My wife “left” with the boys last Thursday, having informed me by email it’s too much to live together while we go through the process. I had the boys over the weekend, but she’s enforcing a regime change to that of what she wants the formal arrangement to be, so I’m not going to see the boys for 2 weeks having seen and been with them pretty much every day all their lives, devastated does not come close. and whilst the legalities of it all are underway, given she has no reason to behave as she is, I’m really struggling with the emotional side, I feel like I’ve let my boys down, that I’ve failed them. The pain of it is literally taking my breath, and now I know what panic attacks are!
I don’t have much in the way of family, so finding it particularly challenging, as I feel cut off from our usual social circles we’ve enjoyed all these years.
Writing this as a bit of an outlet, but I’m also seeking some reassurance and any helpful coping tips.25 October 2021 at 9:52 pm #61882
<b>Hi there. It sounds really tough and a harsh regime. Is there by compromise as I would hope that she has considered the children in this and their wishes, needs. They may want to spend more time with you too? Is your relationship one where you could discuss this and your feelings? I would hope ultimately that she would want you to continue to have a good, close relationship with your children unless there are other things that have happened and lots of hurt and issues behind the scenes. </b>
Regarding your mental health please do reach out and get some counselling and support. This is a good forum with some resources but there are also others like mind..org.uk and Calm which can give you resources etc. Worth checking out whether you can get some counselling to as this is a really big deal and having someone not involved to talk it though to can really help. Sometimes if you work for an organisation they my have staff services ( or some people have health insurance that can cover some) or you can look up local counselling services though mind and other organisations. You can speak to your GP too.
You said about losing your social network, are there any of your friends you can speak to? Just wondering whether if you hung out with them as a couple you’d trust any of them or be able to keep in touch with any of them if they were your friends too. If you did get on with them as friends and they might feel uneasy talking about your situation as friend of the mother of your children could you still keep that friendship going but agree not to talk about anything regarding the relationship that they are uncomfortable with? Just a thought?? Otherwise think bout what other networks you have that may help t the mo and if you can’t think of any you may have to find some including using some of the above.
You can get through. It is painful because you love them and care… And hopefully they know this and how difficult you are finding it being away from them. Just please make sure you reach out and you really need to look after yourself more than ever so think about what will help you through and take a day at a time, take in those glimpses of light, until one day you wake up and things look better for you. Take care..sending positive thoughts your way.26 October 2021 at 12:13 am #61885
You haven’t let your boys down. Just remember that whatever happens now has to be for the benefit of your boys. Keep their best interests at heart in everything you do right now. Make sure you have some time to yourself I hope you have someone to confide in.