Where to start
10 July 2020 at 9:46 pm #42146
A single dad trying to navigate my way through separation and being responsible for two children full time. Have a partner who has emotional issues doesn’t pay maintenance and have left a trail of debt and disaster to sort out. Have had the local authority involved with the family who have encouraged that their mother should have contact. Am finding it more and more difficult with her involvement and find that after year’s of emotional abuse I am finding contact difficult and am wanting to break off all contact and have a completely fresh start.
has anyone found themselves in the same situation?10 July 2020 at 11:21 pm #42148
Hi. I’m not in the same situation but I sort of understand what you mean by wanting to break off all contact. My ex hasn’t seen the kids since lockdown, our life has been better. Now he’s visiting again ( the kids won’t go to him so he has to see them at my house). I wouldn’t stop him from seeing them but I find it upsetting and stressful having him in my home and I’d rather that he wasn’t there.
I can’t imagine how difficult it is for you after all that your ex has put you through. How do the children feel about contact? It’s so difficult to know what to do for the best. I hope you have some support from family and friends to help you through this.11 July 2020 at 10:30 am #42156
Hi there, I’m another single dad here so you’re not alone. My situation is pretty different from your’s (I actually wish the mother of my two girls would see them more) but I can appreciate what you’re going through at the moment. It sounds like a tough situation. As Lorraine says I hope you have the support of friends and family, it can make a big difference. I wish I could offer a bit more advice!11 July 2020 at 2:58 pm #42157
Thank you both , my two children have not a lot of understanding on what has happened and they still love their mum. I have been careful not to say anything bad about their mum and tried to protect them from the rejection and abuse. I have often wondered why people want to cut the other person out of their lives but every time I have contact with her it feels like having to relive the abuse and control again11 July 2020 at 6:35 pm #42161
That sounds really tough. I think it possibly depends on the age of your children but I think you’re right not saying anything bad about her infront of them especially if they are young. In a few years from now things might change and you might want your children to have a relationship with their mother and it would be a shame if they then didn’t want to. I hope that makes sense in a way.11 July 2020 at 10:27 pm #42166
Sunshine after the rain freedom of soleParticipant
Im sorry to hear your circumstance.
I keep a diary as my ex is so unpredictable, you can also reflect and it also reassures you what is happening as I don’t know about your ex but mine will gas light things too, so I can also refer back to what has been said etc or text. Also evidence if needed :/ we have been split for 11 months now and he has toned it down so I do hope it will be the same in your case as I know It has been heavy going. Have you got a support network? Would you be able to assign someone as the point of contact to make child arrangements through? So you would nt have to speak to her? I did try to get my ex to go mediation but to no avail but if you initiate this too you will know where you stand and where to go from there ie. Court.
I agree you are doing the right thing in not bad mouthing, with regard to the children as I do the same and I do believe they are not stupid and eventually will see it for themselves and if they need clarity, the diary is there for future reference but only if they address it.12 July 2020 at 9:35 am #42175
Thank you all. Support network is limited as one of the things she is good at is making up stories where she is also the victim. One thing I have found in this is mud sticks and although I have been able to disprove the lies many of the people who were so called friends have turned their backs on me12 July 2020 at 1:46 pm #42180
Sunshine after the rain freedom of soleParticipant
I have had the same and 🙁 and it is so hurtful as if you haven’t got enough to deal just to add salt in the wound but I try see it like this, we don’t need those sorts of people in our lives, we should nt have to justify ourselves to anyone that really knows us, my ex he is a manipulater so I can understand it if they want to believe the lies more fool them but they will trip themselves up one of these days and the truth always comes out in the end as we have found out, you will develop new friendships and move forward from this stronger and sadly they will remain in there deluded world, which is no fault of there own.
Keep your head held high dazedandconfused8020 July 2020 at 6:26 pm #42385
Can you attempt to go as low conracr with the kids mum as possible? This generally helps, so only reply when its only regarding the kids and arrangements for them. Whenever you hear a lie thats been said about you or concerning you, consider do you know the person she has said it too? If not forget it.. they dont know you they don’t matter. I found myself in the same position lies wise and for a long time i wanted my voice to be heard, however thsi then made me the person he had made me out to be… and that wasn’t me. So now, unless it comes to my front door… it can stay where it is far away from me. The people who know me know the truth and of course I have the proof. A diary is a major player in these situations, i even record all calls via video showing time and date of call. All text messages are short direct and thats it.
Uts a very difficult position to be in, but there is light there somewhere. One step at a time.