Where to draw the line..

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  • This topic has 2 replies, 2 voices, and was last updated 2 years ago by KimO.
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  • #20512 Report


    Hi all,

    I’m a single mum to a 6 (soon to be 7) year old and I’m really struggling to know whether I should continue to allow my ex to see his daughter or not. I have encouraged it from day one and have been more than supportive of their relationship. However she is getting to that age now where she is noticing his lack of enthusiasm, unwillingness to spend time with her and lack of sympathy when shes upset. She goes to his most Saturdays but he has made it clear that this not his and her day, It’s so she can spend time with her cousin. He often promises to take her out and have sleepovers but it’s rare he follows through with it. It breaks my heart because she tells me he doesn’t care about her. She can see (from other father/daughter relationships) that hers is not how it should be. She has often told him how she feels but it is reciprocated by him making her feel bad for feeling the way she does. If she didn’t tell me how much she loved him and missed him I would just put a stop to it but I really don’t know what to do as I know she will get hurt either way.

    #20526 Report


    Hi Kim

    The only similar experience I have is with my 12 year old.  My ex wife, after cheating etc, moved out and rented her own place.  4 months later she was in a relationship with another man.  Since then she has forced my son to meet him by tricking him into it, moved the guy in, gone on two holidays without the children and none with them.  He has chosen now to live with me full time and has very little (other than the odd phone conversation og about 1 minute) with his mum.  I have not done anything and he has chosen this action.  I know that he is quite a bit older.  I do have a 9 year old who wnt through this when 8 and he is still oblivious to it all or does not feel the same neglect or lack of consideration.  Children will figure things out by themselves and if I was in your situation I would talk to your child and see what they want to do.  If you stop the contact, you may end up being blamed for it by your ex and or her in the future and you dont want that.  I think, even at that age they will have some idea of what they want at the moment.  Support what they say and be there for them.  That is my best advice for your own relatioship.

    #20530 Report


    Hi Mozza2019,

    Thank you for your reply and words of encouragement. You’re right, maybe I should speak to her and allow her to see him on her terms and not when it is convienent for him or when she fits in to his plans. It’s just heart wrenching when you know they aren’t receiving the love and care they should and you just want to protect them from anything you possibly can. I struggle to understand why some parents can’t seem to grasp the fact that the child should always come first. I’m sorry to hear about your situation, life can seem so unfair, sounds like you have been through a lot, but a positive in your situation is that your character shines through, the fact your son has chosen to live with you shows he must truly love and trust you to provide, protect and sacrifice (what an amazing parent would do). I guess if you can’t take comfort from anything else at this time, please take comfort from knowing that.

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