When will it end? ‘
6 August 2021 at 2:19 pm #57283
Hi, new on here so I will try to keep this post as brief as I can.
In 2004 my now ex-husband was arrested for making indecent images of children. Our child was only 3 at the time. We separated very soon after as I couldn’t forgive him. Initially he saw our child, supervised by myself, however as time went on I felt I couldn’t continue so it moved to supervised by my family members as I knew I could trust them. We had a period of no contact for about a year after my child disclosed something I wasn’t happy with and since then my ex husband seems to be enjoying making my life a misery.
He has applied to court countless times for additional contact, we have had Cafcass involved, a guardian appointed for our child and numerous court appearances which has totally wiped me out financially. Court orders have been made, to begin with in my favour, only allowing weekly weekend contact, but over time he has pushed and pushed for more and now he has our child from Thurs- Monday every alternate week, plus half of all the school holiday periods.
He is just never satisfied, I have always complied with the court orders, and even have given him additional hours/days that have been mutually agreed for special occasions etc. But yet, here we are again, back in court with him asking for more time. Fortunately for me Cafcass and the judge are in my corner, am just awaiting his next statement, which will no doubt be full of lies or exaggerated truths which has always been the case so far.
I am just so fed up with the constant stress of it all – its putting unnecessary stress on my new relationship, not to mention our child whom he blatantly talks to about the court even though he has been told not to. His prior convictions do not seem to be taken into account at all any more which I find so annoying – he basically got away scott-free in my eyes (2 yrs suspended sentence because he ‘faked’ amnesia so they couldn’t take it to trial).
I’m finding it increasingly hard to deal with him (it is all mainly email contact we have) he is so patronising in his emails, as if he is the perfect parent. I obviously have never told our child what happened but some days I just want to scream about what he did – he portrays himself as this perfect dad and it makes me sick and I come across as the bad guy. He is always telling our child he wants more time with him but Mummy wont let him 🙁
I just cant see an end to it – he is going to be a pain, and find problems until our child is old enough to make their own decisions. And by then he will have brainwashed them into thinking he is mr perfect. I could cry right now, I don’t know why it is affecting me so much now after so many years.
Sorry its a longish post.6 August 2021 at 2:48 pm #57286
sorry to hear what your going through. on a positive note the courts have been clamping down lately on repeat court applications. They have powers to ban a parent from making more applications for x number of years. perhaps this is something you could ask them to apply.6 August 2021 at 6:00 pm #57301
this is truly awful.
I don’t say this lightly and I know it’s hard as I am sure your son loves him but he’s a pedophile and shouldn’t have any contact at all with his son. Your son might be very upset with you in the future if you knew this but you still allowed contact. I am amazed social services allow this to happen. It’s crazy.
I am sure you are trying but I would do anything in my power to stop him having contact, anything.
As commented above, they are clamping down on abusive partners repeatedly making court applications to get to their ex. Hopefully you can do something about that.
Lots of love8 August 2021 at 10:28 pm #57367
Thank you. Steve3334 your right, at the last hearing the judge said she was less than happy about it being brought back to court again and was going to apply a restriction on him applying again
Sverige 1980- I know it’s unbelievable how he has been given so many rights.
And to top it off this weekend he has actually told our child what he has done, along with ‘its not that bad, not like I murdered anyone and it was years ago’.
Absolutely flabbergasted that he has done this, I’m ringing cafcass tomorrow for advice. Our child is 10, he does not understand any of it fully. It’s just appalling that he would do that to our child 😔9 August 2021 at 12:33 pm #57370
I’m sorry you are in this situation but am pleased you are chatting with some of our forums users. I will be sending you some signposting information so please look out for this in your private messages.
Best wishes, Justine