Hi all. Relatively newly single mum to two pre schoolers.
Just interested to know from those further down the track – do you stop worrying at some point about losing your kids and missing out on future christmases etc? I never had kids thinking they’d be a time share and it’s just so devastating …
I’m a little bit down the track, and it does start to get easier – the most important thing is to put the kids first, which it sounds like you are, and just ride the waves of uncertainty when they come. Had a really tough day today, moved last of my stuff out of marital home and kids upset – was very worried about the future today, which is the first time for a while.
The best piece of advice I have been given was to just sit down and let the wave (either sadness or worry) ride over you. Then, think on paper – write down the thoughts, and then wrote down potential solutions and ideas for each thought or worry. Your head will be so much clearer.
I found that getting into a routine, even though it wasn’t the one I’d planned, helped a lot. After a few months my ex became less threatening too. I think once he realised I wouldn’t stop him seeing his son, and when I didn’t react to his more unreasonable demands, he couldn’t be bothered any more.
And once I knew how much effort Ex would make on his own, I could set my son’s expectations, and be ready to make up any shortfall. It’s a balancing act but it does get easier.
on the Xmas thing, I have to admit, I take a bit of a liberty though. My ex refuses to do sports days, school plays, parents evenings, doctors, dentists, shoe shopping etc. although we both work full time. So in return I claim Christmas Day every year. He gets the five days between Xmas & new year. (Son is 10).