Whats right and whats wrong?
- This topic has 2 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 3 years ago by heavyheart25.
17 June 2018 at 4:27 pm #12254
Quick background info –
I have 2 children (3+1) and have been on my own since i was 7 months pregnant with my youngest. I decided to move out away from their dad as him and i were not getting on and i didn’t want to bring another child into it. There was lots of other issues regarding his behavior (lack of support while pregnant etc). We said we would work things out and get back on track. However, I was doing everything myself regarding the kids, sleep deprived, probably PND and then i returned to work doing 13 hour shifts. We never resolved any issues as IMO when i brought them up i was ” trying to hurt him ” so we hut a brick wall. As time went on I got more bitter about the past and started pushing him away. I thought he was possibly starting to move on and he was still very much in my business and it felt very intruding. Up until now he has still been staying over Xmas/New year and birthdays etc. For the 1.5 years we have been separated hes been asking for his family back, begging and pleading. I would have loved to…but we didn’t work on our issues so i knew it wouldn’t work! I said to him i didn’t think family days out were a great idea as at some point one of us would move on. He disagreed and said he would try for his family until the end so we continued to do things as a family. Our kids (esp the 3 year old) loved us doing things as a 4, we all did. So i took the kids over to his house 2 weekends ago and he tells me hes met someone else. My heart dropped to the floor and i spent the day after in bed crying my heart out. Even still i need to pull the car over to sob. The guilt i feel for my kids is indescribable. They will never have their parents on a day out, they will never know what its like to have both parents tuck them in at night! My ex is still expecting daily contact and i just cant do it. I cant move on from this dark hole because hes a daily reminder of how we have failed. I went to CMS as i feel i need to security for my kids and “seemingly” the figure they have come up with is “wrong” and he wont be able to afford his mortgage. Im also “backing him into a corner” because ive said alternative weekends plus a week night is fair as the kids need routine…we all do. At the moment he drops them back at mine when hes going to meet her – so its all on his terms. He even asked my mum to have the kids while he went?! How can he let go of every single thing for this one person hes known a matter of weeks????
I also feel if he can drop us 3 at the drop of a hat when he “will never give up” and the first woman hes given everything up for… did he really mean it?
How often do i need to speak to this man and am i wrong for going to CMS??? If i dont reply i get accused of keeping the kids from him when in reality he has open access! Help a sad mumma bear out 🙁17 June 2018 at 6:57 pm #12259
I’m in the same situation. You are right to go to the CMS. Things need to be negotiated and not just on his terms. It sounds like he is trying to wear you down so he can get his own way. You are right about the kids needing routine. Like me, you might end up being the ‘bad guy’ in his opinion but actually you are doing what is best for the kids. I have let my ex know that I won’t respond when he swears at me or insults me and hopefully he will see that sort of behaviour won’t get him anywhere. He’s moved on so the situation has to change. Keep on doing the right thing x