What’s fair?

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  • #43036 Report


    Hi. Just after opinions on what is fair for the situation I am in please.

    In summary; we are separated and will be divorcing, our jointly owned home is up for sale – we divide the mortgage and bills 50/50 and agree equity will be split 50/50. We are still both living in the home with our daughter (though live completely separate lives) until it sells and we make this work ok for the majority of time.

    The sticking point between us is providing financially for our daughter. I am her main carer and receive the benefits we are entitled to. My ex husband works full time and has an income over double that of mine. As stated above we split house bills 50/50 and then pay for our own food, fuel, etc. I pay for everything related to our daughter. My ex husband contributes nothing financially towards her and on the one day per week he is solely responsible for her care he uses the nappies, clothes, food, etc I have purchased for her. I tried to open a child maintenance claim but ex husband told them he has shared care as we are living under the same roof so does not have to pay anything.

    It seems wrong to me that he is happy to work full time but not contribute anything to his daughter financially, she is living off what our benefits can afford after we have paid our half of the bills. I know when we live separately this will change, but we currently do not have a buyer for the house and we could continue living this way for months!  I have tried to discuss with him but he just outright refuses to consider my point and has the backing of child maintenance supporting him.

    Are my feelings on this situation wrong? Am I failing to see his point of view (that being I am her main carer, I receive the child benefit therefore he doesn’t have to provide anything). Is there anything I can do? Thanks for any help.

    #43040 Report

    Do you think he could buy you out of the mortgage?

    I would ask the citizen advice regarding the child maintance.

    I agree, it should nt be a hardship at the end of the day, despite the circumstances between you both.

    Perhaps you could suggest he does share the care and that way he is in line with what he is saying to the child maintance.

    Hope this helps, must be difficult for you especially under the current circumstances.

    Hope you manage to get the support you need.

    #43041 Report


    As wrong as it is, I don’t think you can change the situation re CMS. But what you could do is make an application for child tax credits or possibly universal credit (I’m not familiar with how UC works) to top up your income. There’s a calculator online. Despite you still living together, if you’re separated then you can make the application prior to moving away from each other physically. I understand how frustrating it is the CM. You’d think he would want to contribute.
    That aside I think if he earns a greater salary than yourself then you could potentially be entitled to a greater split of the equity from the property to restart and also spousal maintenance if you were married. These are things I didn’t know prior to my split. I’m not suggesting you should do this as I don’t know how good your relationship is with him generally but I think you need to be careful what you agree to before making sure you’re able to stand on your own 2 feet independently, especially as it sounds like daughter may predominantly live with you?

    #43049 Report


    Your soon to be ex husband contributes nothing towards his daughter?

    Call CMS and ask their advice stressing that you are legally separated

Viewing 4 posts - 1 through 4 (of 4 total)

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