What would you do?
8 March 2020 at 1:31 pm #37625
I tried to create my own forum but it wouldn’t post for some reason so the above words are exactly what I was going to say.8 March 2020 at 2:45 pm #37628
I would not want to force someone to be part of my child’s life, I’d rather struggle and go it alone. If you don’t want to be there, then that’s his loss. Think of the effect it’s having on the child, to be forced to spend time with someone who doesn’t want to do it freely. Surely that’s more damaging than coming from a single parent home?
That’s my personal opinion and I do value that every one has their own…8 March 2020 at 3:34 pm #37631
Hi, my son is nearly 10 months old and his father has only seen him once. He never shows up when we arrange anything and has never shown much interest in him. I decided to through CMS for maintenance as I got fed up with constantly being let down and if I was stopping contact I would not have claimed but I feel my son deserves something from his father. I was worried about backlash too and he was not happy nor was his new girlfriend, I was told they would be going for joint custody (so he wouldnt have to pay anything) this was over a month ago and I haven’t heard anything else since.
If I was you I would claim, like others have said it takes two to make a baby so why should you have to struggle and worry about money.
I hope you get it sorted x8 March 2020 at 3:47 pm #37633
LandF thanks for your reply.
sounds like you’ve been through the ringer too. It’s so frustrating mainly because I/you can’t understand how they won’t put their child first. Heartbreaking really xx8 March 2020 at 3:58 pm #37634
It is a difficult one as in a sense we are forcing the other parent to do some that they dont want to do but such as life. I don’t want to pay taxes.
I’m not focusing on the other person’s feelings anymore as my sons feelings are more important but I do get that there possibly may be resentment towards the child from the other parent when they are unwilling.
But I don’t believe that they wouldn’t be happy to be around their child. I may be delusional or being ignorant but in my case, it’s to hurt me but he’s not smart enough to comprehend that it’s hurting my son more.
They need to be taught how to be a father as clearly some of them are not naturals like some mothers are.8 March 2020 at 4:06 pm #37635
LandF, is the other person on the birth certificate?8 March 2020 at 5:56 pm #37637
No he isn’t. He ‘disappeared’ a week after out son was born so I couldn’t get hold of him. It’s a really complicated situation, he only got in contact after his girlfriend (we didn’t know about each other) found out about me by looking at his phone. Like you said I dont think they realise it’s their child they are hurting just to get one up on us. I spent the whole of my pregnancy and up until my son was 8 months old trying to involve him but I’ve had to step back now and just wait for him to decide what he wants. For me it hurts that he has two daughters he does bother with and I would like to not have to rely on his money but unfortunately I do at the moment9 March 2020 at 8:13 am #37649
Your response sounds exactly like my experience with the girlfriend going through his phone and finding me.
The little that I know is that the “other person’s” name is on my sons birthday certificate which means that he does have shared parental responsibility so he has the same rights that I have even though they are strangers.
The only thing is, was that he pretended not to be the father when I went to CSA to avoid paying maintenance but they insisted that he do a DNA which means this confirmation holds more weight than just a name on the birth certificate.
So I wouldn’t worry until a DNA is done as he can’t rock up and demand full custody without going through steps.
Just document the series of events so that you have a record of what has been happening just in case he does file to cover yourself.
I dug out text messages from 2008 and of course he denied sending them but I painted the true picture of how things actually went long before my son was born in 2013.
Keep doing what you’re doing!