What to tell 5 year old son if/when he asks about absent father

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  • #48223 Report

    Elmira
    Participant

    I’m quite new to this forum and this is only my second post. Just looking for some advice really, maybe other people here have been in the same position.

    MY 5 year old son started school in September and ever since then, I’ve been dreading the day he comes home and asks why his dad is, or why his friends have dads but he doesn’t.

    Long story short: I married his dad 8 years ago abroad (he’s from an Arab country), then he moved to the UK after we arranged his visa. Things were got great until our son was born. My husband change (almost into a different person, it was awful). Screaming and abusive, impatient whenever the crying baby woke him up at night, wouldn’t help me with anything to do with the baby’s care… Only wanted to “show him off” on Skype to all his family back home. Didn’t have any interest in the baby otherwise.

    I was struggling to breastfeed so used formula milk instead…. My husband implied that it’s “poison” and that because his own mum able to breastfeed a huge number of kids, then why’s it so hard for me with just 1 to feed.

    He was threatening to kill me, saying that us “British women are shi*” and “rubbish”, saying he’ll take our son back to his own country and kill me.

    The threats to kill me started when I stood up to him, he didn’t like it.

    He went away abroad for 2 weeks (for work) so I took my chance to leave him and involve the police whilst he was away. Also took court action re the threats to abduct our son.

    He was arrested when he came back to the UK and was convicted of an attack on me. Was subsequently deported as I ad also revoked sponsorship of his visa.

    My son was a baby when all this happened, so has no memory of his father but I’m sure he’s aware that people are “supposed” to have dads. Like his friends do.

    What do I say if he asks me outright? Will social media, I fear he might even look for his father when he’s a bit older. He has his dad’s surname (very unusual one, I can’t legally change this as dad is on birth cert). I’m just looking for ways to keep my son safe as he gets older and also what to tell him about his father without it sounding scaring for a 5 year old.

    #48231 Report

    Mummy2016
    Participant

    I’ve sent you a private message x

    #48238 Report

    Ali.saa
    Participant

    Hey Elmira,

    It’s so sad to hear what you said.

    Good advice I can tell you is that to talk with your brave son and tell him about different type of family.

    And you can say:

    “WE ARE SINGLE PARENT FAMILY”

    And of course  it consists two members on this family.

    You can mention about other type of family to make it clear for him.

    I did and it worked for me!

    Take care and stay safe!

    #48246 Report

    steve3334
    Participant

    you could tell your child his dad lives and works in his country. i imagine things are very bad between you two. perhaps in future your son could have video calls with his dad, if he wants that.

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