What to say to abandoned daughter

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  • #56149 Report


    Hello all,

    This is my first post so please accept my apologies if it is in the wrong place and has already been answered.


    I split with my partner 7 weeks ago. We were together for almost 7 years after meeting when I was pregnant.

    We didn’t ever live together, but he took on the role of Daddy to my daughter (and stepdad to my other children).

    Since splitting, he is refusing to arrange contact with her until we have discussed the problems that lead to our split. He was abusive to me and I am refusing to discuss that, I just wanted him to have contact with her.

    He has been contacting one of my sons in secret, asking him not to tell me about it and to delete messages. This teamed with the fact that he is clearly not bothered about seeing her (surely any parent would want to speak/see their child regardless of whether other issues have been resolved?) has lead me to the decision of taking him out of her life completely.

    Does anyone have any advise as to what I should say to her about where he is and why he isn’t seeing her? I want to make sure that I don’t say the wrong thing incase it makes it even worse for her.

    Many thanks for any help,

    #56289 Report


    No one?

    #56440 Report


    All I can say for what its worth is that even though my ex was putting me through hell I refused to say a bad word about her to our 3 children, if I didn’t know or the truth was too painful (she is Bi-polar and was manic at that stage)  I just said I didn’t know and only told them actual facts (again unless they were going to be painful to the children). Sorry not to be of more help, but in time the children made up their own minds.

    Contacting your son behind your back sounds out of order to me, ex is encouraging him to deceive you. I’d sit him (son) down, have a chat and change his number and / or block the ex!

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