What to do?

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  • #14178 Report

    alenam
    Participant

    Hi all, I need some help and advice please.

    I’m just about to become a single mum. It’s so painful and I’m typing this as the tears keep coming. We have a 10 month old baby, I decided not to return to work so I am completely dependant on my partner. Unfortunately he admited tgis morning that he has no feelings towards me and he’s with me only because of our daughter. Well, we have been having problems for ages but last week I found very spicy medsages he sent to his ex. He doesn’t know I did but I have a feeling he did if on purpose just to push me. He has changed so much! I don’t recognise this heartless arogant guy.

    Anyway.. my head is spinning, I don’t know what to do.I was at my gp two days ago because I’m extremely depressed but she made another appointment fir Tuesday as she had no time to deal with me.

    Can anyone please just give a sort of an idea what are my options? How and whete shall I seek some help?

    Thank you x

    #14188 Report

    fipple
    Participant

    Ive literally just joined…..since the 1st of August after being told my 18yr relationship with now ex is over…the same day i receive a call from my mother she has stage 4 ovarian cancer!”….you just couldnt make it up!…..the relationship loss is wrenching!….i have to say goodbye to 4 people!”

    Son 17 with Austism(he doesnt know yet) daughter 15 ,she knows bless her but she hasnt spoken to me for months before 1st august,but ironically shes opening up since all this…(maybe a case of -you dont know what youve got till its gone)

    Anyway…i mention all that to say this…..We’re in it together!…the worst feelings ive had this week(5 days) is feeling its just me..when i know very well others are going through some type of hell!….its a small comfort to know youre not the only one going through persecution.(strong word,but it feels this way at this time…and i know that will change)

    As for what you should do,it seems gingerbread is replete with info,and the site has rejuvenated past thoughts(for now at least) of ending it all!..dont worry!,.,,its the body screaming for help and the heart!…ive felt i was going to seriously crack up these 5 days past and know the light does come through!  its like 2 realities clashing!…

     

    What i would say is grip onto “hope” as much as you possibly can! that all will-in time ,be ok!…you’ll hear counter arguments to that in your mind…but thats the battle…..but for now…the comfort im drawing is this literal thing im doing now….helping if i can…and comforting and taking help and comfort where i can!…isolation can be a killer…and gingerbread seems to be a lighthouse to our storm!

     

    As for the gp…theyre an odd bunch in truth….and not probably helpful to your needs…they’ll dose you with meds..and as you have a child….if the gp is fair minded wont use these completely normal feelings youre going through at the moment,against you!…

     

    But! if you feel you personally do need to see the gp then by all means!….but as much as you can,,be calm and explain the situation..

     

    Ironically,ive also got to see the gp..not for this present and ongoing nightmare im in,…but something unrelated! but i may give her the heads up as to whats occuring in my life at present as i have fibromyalgia….and this stress isnt helping!

     

    Keep in contact if you wish…and hope knowing myself or others will reply,is some form of comfort…in the darkness….We’re out here and with you in one way or another!

    #14277 Report

    shirls
    Participant

    Dear Alenam,

    so sorry to hear what you are going through. I found a similar situation in my life traumatic. I had a toddler and 8 month old baby. It is devastating, heartbreaking. Please look after yourself. Is there anyone to comfort you?, help out?

    I agree that GP’s can be a mixed bunch. However your reaction, sadness, is normal given the circumstances, hold on to that.

    GP’s can prescribe very low dose medication these days, but make sure whatever they suggest feels right for you. Maybe they can put you in contact with a counsellor and it may help to talk to someone.

    It’s very difficult when you have such a young baby, so please take any help offered. My post natal health visitor allocated me some extra time, so I had another pair of hands for a few hours a week. It was a godsend.

    On a practical level, this site has lots of advice on different topics/ issues, and there may be support groups in your area. Try and find a mother and baby group if you haven’t already. Contact with other parents socially will help to alleviate feelings of isolation.

    The finances are a worry but take it one step at a time. Would your former partner be willing to provide you with some level of regular maintenance now and until things are settled? Do you have family for support?

    You say you stopped working – is there a possibility that you can return? I don’t know much about child care funding, but you will probably be entitled to some help. Other members may be able to point you in the right direction with that.

    In the meantime take care, do be kind to yourself, I think your ex has shown himself to be unworthy of you, loss is a process that will run it’s course and come to an end.

    Big hug 🤗

     

     

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