What to do??

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  • #29216 Report

    Nick35
    Participant

    I’m trying my best to be neutral when it comes to co-parenting but my ex is not exactly on the same page with me. Our eldest already noticed the competition ( his father is the competitive one) and starts to say things like ” daddy makes the best food” or ” daddy can do this better than you mummy”

    I’m so sick and tired of explaining to my ex that this is not a healthy approach. The way i see it, is ( and i was hoping to be) : mummy and daddy they don’t get along anymore and they need to leave in separate houses, but that is ok because in the end you still have a family. A mummy and a daddy who loves you the most in this world and we have your best interests at heart. That’s exactly how i wanted my kids to see the situation ( it’s not the end of the world if 2 people decide that the relationship is not working)

    But as i said, my ex is making it so difficult and I’m stressed and my level of anxiety is so high i literally feel sick when i leave the house to get to work.

    What do i do?

    #29225 Report

    AnnaP
    Participant

    Hi Nick, 

    Sounds like an awful situation. Somehiw you have to try and rise above it all or you will go crazy. You can explain to your children as best you can that you and daddy both love them and both do your best for them. Whatever you do don’t sink to his level. Kids are not stupid and eventually they work out for themselves what’s going on , stay true and honest and you can’t go wrong.  Take care of yourself.  Anna

    #29228 Report

    red23
    Participant

    It might be easier to handle emotionally if you think about little kids talking about their classmates, making judgements and comparisons in a really material way. It’s a natural way for them to perceive the world when they are young. Did daddy say he makes the best food, or is that just your kids perception?

    Maybe you can have some conversations with your kids about why you don’t view others in a competitive, materialistic way, about how intentions matter as well as outcomes, etc. Don’t make it about you and the ex, make it about passing on your own moral values to your children.

     

     

    #29330 Report

    Nick35
    Participant

    Hi AnnaP and red23

    Thank you for your reply, sorry it took me some time to get back to you. Really busy with work and kids…days just roll and roll …i don’t really get a break 🙁 

    So i work in childcare for some 14 years now and i have a good idea of how to deal with kids ( children’s development is my vocation) but i find it difficult to deal with the adults ( they are the worst, in my case my ex) 

    He is emotionally abusing me every single time i give him the chance. If i have friends coming over and it happens for him to stop by the house and to see the boys he will find a way to verbally humiliate me in from of every one. On many occasions he said that ” i’m the best cook, i’m the best player, i’m the best…of pretty much everything ” . That’s how my son knows that daddy is the best..so when i get to do something i always get ” it’s good but daddy is the best “

    As Anna suggested, i’ll try my very best not to sink to his level..difficult sometimes, but practice will make it better 😉

    All the best 

    Nick

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