What to do?

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  • #16743 Report

    R09
    Participant

    Hi, just after some impartial advice.  Separated from my ex over 18 months ago and my twins have lived with me since then (they’re just coming up to 4).  The relationship with my ex is not great, he was an emotional bully but I believe it’s important the kids have a relationship with their dad and spend time with him.  Up until may of this year, I’d often let him stay at mine at the weekends (he lives about 2 hours away) as thought this was best for the kids but after a particularly horrible time, I finally realised the kids continuing to witness such a bad relationship was not in fact, best.  He now sees them every other weekend (from thurs pm to Sunday pm).  I’ve offered that he can come down during the week but so far he hasn’t and he continuously tries to get me to let him stay at mine despite the fact he has told me I am nasty, vile and contemptible (among many other things)

    My issue now is that he has told me he is thinking of taking them away to NZ for 6 weeks in February (he is a kiwi and the twins have dual nationality) and he has also indicated that he is considering ‘taking custody’ next year.  I’ve told him I do not support them being away from me for so long (they’ve had a max of 4 nights at any one time) and have since put in writing that I do not agree.. to which he has responded that if he decides to go, he will be taking them and I can’t stop him.  I also have concerns that he might just decide to stay out there (he has family there, runs his own business which can be based anywhere and has in the past mentioned returning) .

    The holiday is one issue but the threat of him taking custody is another.. it’s not the first time he’s thrown that at me as he first threatened when I wanted to leave the relationship.  Not convinced mediation is going to work, last time I suggested it they contacted him and he told them where to go..  he will only be having a meeting with his lawyer present (he believes the process is actually just about getting his own way and def not a win/win scenario)

    I’m trying to not get emotional on here and bring my own issues into this but I am stressed.

    Any advice would be appreciated.

    thanks

     

    #16926 Report

    R09
    Participant

    Sorry it’s taken me a while to respond – I am going through a solicitor, can’t face doing this on my own but just wanted to say thank you for the advice.

    #16939 Report

    DanLC89
    Participant

    Sounds like you have done the right thing in going to a solicitor.

    I see others on here have suggesting phoning the police and saying that he has explicitly said he is not going to return the children. When fighting legal battles, do not turn fears and assumptions into he said/ she said, because it will go against you. Stick to facts and keep it about the children.

    As for stopping him having any contact is a bit much. You should get a plan in place with a solicitor to make visiting rights fenced off, so you both know where the boundaries are. Avoid using your kids as a weapon at all costs, and show you have their best interest in mind at all times. This will always include having their father around unless he becomes abusive and destructive to their upbringing. In this case, then go straight to your solicitors again.

    I hope you both find a way for it to work for your kids.

     

     

     

    • This reply was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by DanLC89.
    #16958 Report

    DanLC89
    Participant

    I didn’t say not to take the threat seriously, I said don’t lie to the Police. This was in reference to your comment “<span style=”font-family: georgia, ‘times new roman’, ‘bitstream charter’, times, serif;”>Secondly report to non emergency police that he’s threatened to take and not return the children”. This could cause a whole new, bigger issue for her. It’s completely different to Absconding. She needs to choose her words wisely, and act on it immediately.</span>

    The no contact part also had nothing about returning his right’s after the order(s) have been given. This could, and probably would be used against her in court if she has nothing to base it off of. That’s if he got decent legal advise.

    I’m not trying to argue, just air caution. 🙂

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