What should my ex provide at his house?

[Bunny13]

My ex husband pays £150 a month for our 2 children, he refuses any extra when there are big expenses. He is only having them for roughly 16-18 nights a year, once a week after school, every other weekend for a day and never has them for longer than 24hrs. So collects at 10am Saturday brings them home Sunday 9am.

He expects me to provide toys, spare clothes, tooth brushes, bikes the list is endless!  Because he says he paid for it, but I work and hard to provide their toys and home comforts. My daughter once came home completely bare bottomed because he had no spare clothes for her. The clothes etc bits I send don’t come home or are broken. I feel he should be providing a home from home, am I right in this thought?

[Anonymous]

There are two answers to this, one is legal the other moral.  Personally I agree with you and a home from home is ideal as kids feel safe and secure at either parent’s.  Some parents are more involved with their kids than others…it’s a shame.

In terms of CSA it’s calculated by salary and how many nights etc…but this is ridiculous as it is not directly proportional to income nor to the child’s needs… it has little to do with their requirements.  That should be the startjng point in my view… makjng sure both parents are looking after their kids which are their responsibility wheather they decide to undertake that moral obligation is a different thing entirely.

[Bunny13]

It was a private arrange when he walked out 5 yrs ago, I have no idea how much he earns he won’t tell me. He also has his own business and He lives rent free in a property his parents own.

My eldest has really suffered emotionally as they are frequently let down by my ex, my daughter wasn’t born so knows no different. They want to do clubs and groups which I can’t afford.  I’m struggling financially to manage and is just adding to my general feeling of uselessness and failing.

[Kathymumofone]

Your ex should be providing everything necessary while your children are in his care. Clothes, toys, food, car seats, toiletries. Maybe not a bike but everything else.

I suggest you email him to let him know that in future you expect him to have these things at his house. Then he has some notice  to get things ready for the next visit.

Also, point out that costs have risen significantly in the last 5 years. The children are older and need more things, plus inflation, so you will need £250 a month from now on. (So he can negotiate it down to £200)

If he refuses, I’d contact the CMs and let them sort it out.

 

[Anonymous]

Sorry if my post above was misunderstood.  What I meant was that the calculated maintainance payment is insufficient to support a child and shouldn’t be taken as such as some do.

Kathy summed up what I was trying to get across better above.

Sorry to hear you are having a rough time of it…

[Author]

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