What should I expect off baby father?

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  • #62717 Report


    Hi all, so I became pregnant to a friend with benefits in lockdown, and he didn’t want the pregnancy to continue and wished for me to abort, he said he didn’t want to be f*****d paying child support for rest of his life etc. I invited him to both scans and paid privately for one so he could attend, he missed the second scan and wasn’t interested in my sex reveal cake to give to my other older 2 children. He wasn’t around for the next several month’s of pregnancy. I had my baby by c section under GA and had a blood transfusion, the dad after seeing his son now says he wants to be involved but is upset I have called him after my surname. So may question is, how do I let him in to his sons life etc, we aren’t together and I’ve only had children whilst being in a marriage, I can’t schedule time with him and baby because he smokes weed in his car and I don’t trust him to be able to look after baby, so far I’ve let him in my house and take time with sons baths as he can only come round after work. If he comes over stinking of smoke it really upsets me, how do I make sure my son sees his dad when nothing is scheduled is it wrong for me to want hi dad to prioritise us if he says he wants to be involved?

    #62912 Report


    Hi Shellbelle17,  You must have posted at a quiet time, so I’ve moved your post up so other parents see it. You can also contact our helpline to talk this through. Helpline – Gingerbread


    #62950 Report


    So I would say that if he wants a relationship he needs to build that relationship by regular short visits whilst your baby is young & then go for there.

    Contact is on your terms and doesn’t mean he has your baby unsupervised. So for now until he has a close relationship & can be trusted keep contact supervised and safe for you and your baby.

    A piece of advice if you haven’t registered your baby don’t put him on the birth certificate if you want to be in control on how contact goes.

    #62954 Report


    So sorry to hear about your situation. Coparenting is hard but being civil and getting along early on will work wonders down the line. Try build a trusting relationship with your babies dad, set your boundaries but also try to accommodate his requests where possible. Saying no all the time will make him resent you, my ex is terrible and being consistent with visits. I know how awkward he can be, mostly out of spite towards me, so I always ensure I message in advance asking his plans, he usually ignores then moans he can’t see his sons because of me, although that’s true I always have texts to prove I checked in advance. I keep mysef right at all costs, although it pains me to contact him as much, I keep him in loop about everything and then it’s his fault when he doesn’t know anything because he ignores me. We split when son was 6 months, although was bad breakup him and his family were always welcome to visit our son in my house as well as seeing him at my house on special occasions etc. It’s definitely hard to deal with, however just think of your babies wellbeing, it’s better he’s involved and consistent or not at all, lots of ups and downs can have negative affect. Take it easy and find out what works best for you x

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