What is the next step

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  • #50631 Report


    Hi, I have been married for 17years we have 3 girls (15,11,8) my husband and I had been living like roommates for several years – I don’t know when or why it happened… It just did. He works all the time – self employed. And he would even work on days offs and even when we were on holiday he would still answer the phone and sort stuff out. Then after a disagreement about dog food (it’s always the silly stuff) he then said that he felt the marriage had been over for the past 8 years! He also said that I just seen him as a bank balance and a house…. Understandably, I was hurt. I took the rest of the evening to think things through… I then sat down with him the next night and said that I wanted him to move out… He didn’t say anything.. Then the next few days he just went around the house ignoring me. Then on Monday he went to work as usual but then called my 15yrs old to get her to sort out bedding and clothing for him… I obviously sorted it out myself and then when he called her a second time she didn’t answer as she was doing school work – I decided to call him and ask him what he wanted. This started a little argument because I was being nice and amicable and he obviously didn’t want to move out. But what did he expect me to say after being told that the marriage was over for the entire life of my youngest daughter !?

    So, now I know I have to sort out the bills etc into my name. And we rent so I also need to tell the landlord about this too. I also know that I have to sort out the universal credits etc.

    I work 14hrs a week at the local shop. So I am on minimum wages…

    What is my next step? My husband is sleeping in his office at the moment.. As I think he thinks I am going to change my mind. But I definitely don’t want to be married to him anymore!



    Any help and advice would be appreciated xx

    #50650 Report


    🙁 There are so many crazy husbands around.🙁

    #50675 Report


    Hi Daisy79

    In a similar situation, we’ve not been a ‘together’ couple for ages now & have both decided it’s just not working anymore. I’m looking for a new house, he’s staying in the one we have now. It is a doer upper & I just don’t want to take that on as we have 4 young children, youngest is 3. It’s all very amicable though, we’ve talked money as similar to yourself he is always at work, I’m part time & have taken a backseat when a career is concerned as he’s built up his business obviously whilst I’ve been bringing up the children… I feel a sense of relief if I’m honest, we’ve not got on very well for such a long time, I feel ready to get my life back & move on & more importantly be happy!

    I’d say sit tight for now, maybe speak to citizens advice for some help & support on what happens next x

    #50795 Report


    Hi Roxygirl,

    Thanks for replying. I was beginning to think that I was going crazy…

    Today has been a bit of a tough one… Today, my husband has taken 2 of the girls out as the oldest one had to work. It was very strange. Earlier, I had a conversation with him about what we are doing etc. And it hurt to hear him tell me that he doesn’t feel loved by me especially since everything I’ve ever done has been for him and the girls! So, I decided to pack up some of his clothes since there is no time like the present to start sorting stuff out- especially since he’s made it abundantly clear that it is truly over.

    The one thing that sucks the most about all of this is that I have moved out here from Canada. (albeit 10 years ago) And my entire family and most of my friends are out there. So getting that hug from my mom is not possible! 😞

    I really appreciate your response. I will call citizens advice on Monday when the kids are back in school!

    I hope you can get things sorted on your end too.. Xx

    #53378 Report


    Hi Daisy,

    My situation is very similar to yours and just wondered if you were any further forward?

    Id been with my ex for 15 years and have two boys together (5 and 7). Back in February he told me that our relationship wasn’t working and that we need to split up. Our relationship had always been emotional mainly due to his anger issues and me treading on eggshells.

    Due to childcare reasons I had given up my career as a nurse when my second child was born so I’ve had guilt over that (although it was mainly his decision). my children are now both at school so I’ve been trying to find work that fits around the school, he’s really not wanted me to work which sounds ideal but its quite controlling if you knew him.

    Anyway so he made it perfectly clear that he wants me to move on (there is someone he works with who he is interested in which kick started all this, of course he denies that) so I have applied for universal credit as I still have no job but am doing some training courses. But my main issue now is, like you, he doesn’t want me and the kids to move out. In fact he has said that it would wreck the children’s lives if we did (his dad left for another woman when he was a boy and he says it wrecked his life). His plan is to live together and for him to move away from us and out of our lives slowly so that the children don’t realise. Of course this is dragging out the pain for me but he doesn’t consider that. My family say I shouldn’t even consider it but I really want to keep things as amicable as they can be for my sake and the children’s sake. He would make things very difficult and I’m thinking for the sake of maybe 6 months I could put up with the dire situation for the hope of an amicable future.

    So I was just wondering where things stood now with your ex? Thanks x

    #53380 Report


    I’m Michelle one of the Moderators here in the forum.  There’s some info here within the site that several of you posting here might find useful.  Tese pages give information on action to take when separating:

    Separating – Gingerbread

    If you could use further guidance you could also get in touch with the Single Parents Helpline.  Here are their details:

    Gingerbread Single Parent Helpline – Freephone 0808 802 0925

    Opening hours:  Mon 10 – 6, Tues 10- 4, Wed 10 – 1 & 5 – 7, Thurs 10 – 4, Fri 10 – 4  They can be busy so callers can expect to wait up to 20 minutes before the call is answered

    I hope that helps a bit

    Kind regards





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