What happens at dad's….

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    Meee
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    Please bare with me, this is long and a bit all over the place

    My ex husband and I split up almost 3 years ago.

    We have 2 children, my daughter now 10, from a previous relationship believes my ex is her father, biological father has chosen not be involved in life at all, he isn’t even on the birth certificate. My ex has been in her life since she was 4 months old, there was a point when we were together we were going to re-register her birth to give him parental rights. We also have an 8 year old son.

    I work sleepover shifts, and they stay with their dad most of the days I work. Dad lives with his girlfriend and her two children. They were introduced to his girlfriend quite soon (only 6months or so after we split up), I tried to talk to him out of it and sat it was a bad idea but he went ahead and told the kids anyway.

    Since then the new girlfriend has been trying to have a lot of say, especially with my daughter (buying her training bras at 8 years old, saying she shouldn’t have any online restrictions and most recently allowing her to curl her own hair without supervision).

    My ex seems to favour his new family and will often go on days out and leave his own children out. He can be rather selective of when he sees our kids, often changing plans last minute, asking if my mum can take them and not allowing them to visit their gran(his mum).

    Hygiene seems to be an issue when they are there. No toothbrushing, no hairbrushing (my daughter needs help due to really really thick hair, and apparently no one has time), they don’t change their underwear when there either.

    My children, recently, have started to come home with their clothes smelling really foul, to the point that today I made them strip at the door and immediately washed their clothes and outdoor jackets.

    My daughter has made remarks to myself and my mum about when they are at their dad’s.

    -Restricted to their shared bedroom and not allowed to open windows.     -Not allowed to eat lunch.                     – Not allowed to watch TV in the livingroom, unless she is playing with the girlfriends youngest child.    -smoking in front of them and not just cigarettes.

    My son has made comments regarding the amount of alcohol they drink, I rarely drink and have a bottle of wine I was gifted 14 months ago that he saw one day. My ex has always drunk a fair bit, it was one of the reasons we split, but for both to be drinking while they have my kids is an issue for me. They have been on holiday to a holiday park (think haven and butlins) and the kids were left to their own devices the whole week so they could drink.

    There was a comment made on social media by a neighbour of theirs (aquintance of mine) about the shouting going on from a house and how she feels sorry for the kids. (I don’t know for definate that this comment was 100% about them, but the other neighbours are older, more quiet).

    I’ve tried numerous times to talk to my ex about my concerns, his family have spoken to him, my mum has called him out on things she doesn’t agree with and it all leads to arguments. Honestly, I am scared of him, I’m not a confrontational person and I especially don’t want to get into arguments with either of them. I’m kind of at a loose end as to what to do about it all.

    It really comes across as they are neglected when they are there, I don’t know what to do and I’m at a complete loss. If what my kids are saying is accurate then I don’t want my kids there in that environment.

    What do people think?

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