what do i tell my lad

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  • #19616 Report

    robertson147
    Participant

    my boys 6. his mother has never been invoved at all. no birthday, xmas cards etc. he’s asking lots of questions about his mother and i dont know what to say, i contacted her to see if she wanted to see him but got told she’s not interested. what do others do in this situation? i cant keep changing the subject forever lol . thankyou.

    #19626 Report

    Jess88
    Participant

    Hi,

    my son’s 7 and his dad has been absent for 5 years (sporadic before that) we’ve had loads of questions recently, every day.

    You don’t know what to say for the best do you. I think all you can do is explain in the most age appropriate way and make him understand it’s not his fault and nothing that he has done, some people just aren’t made to be parents.

    I think the more you try and keep from them, the more curious they’ll be and will build this whole image  of the absent parrnt that bares no resemblance to the real thing. Ive definitley found open and honest the best way.

    Let me know if you want to talk 🙂

    #19637 Report

    Kathymumofone
    Participant

    I think you explain that his mum is a person who likes x, y, & z but she just didn’t take to life as a mum. That sometimes it happens like that. But he has his daddy & loving grandparents (?) and you’ll all do the best you can to fill the gap. And if there’s something he thinks you’ve missed, he should tell you.

    what else can you do but be honest?

    Also he needs something he can tell his friends, who will ask. Giving his mum some detail – she likes running or baking, she’s got brown hair and is good at singing – or whatever – will give him something to say.

    #19671 Report

    SCS
    Participant

    My son does know his mother as she left when he was 8 rather than as an infant but since she left (and missed Birthdays, Christmas etc.) there have been a lot of questions, my approach throughout his life has been to give honest and age appropriate responses.

    Perhaps the most important part as a single father is to try and cover the emotional aspects along with the facts,  my son understands that I hurt and miss my wife/his mother as well as he have talked about it so he doesn’t feel like he needs to be a ‘big brave boy’ and keep it all bottled up inside as he initially did.

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