what do I tell my child?
21 January 2018 at 2:04 pm #6999
Hi all, new to this… first post!
So I’ve been having issues with my child’s father. He has decided to suddenly stop seeing our child. Although he sees his other child(different mother) on a very regular basis.
In short of it all, our child has never stayed over since weve split up. Hes always stayed at my mums. We split becusse he was involved in drugs which i did not know or have a clue about. My feelings didnt disapper overnight but i cant stand deciet and needed to kwep my son safe. In fact when i look back now he left me in debt, and expected everyone else to bail him out.
Benefit of the doubt given, i got him to take weekly drug tests to see our child. When theybwere all clear i decided to let him, and for a while he was regular, saw him maybe teice a week. Although looking back it was proobably me he was also looking forward to seeing. I genuinely beleived he turned his life around, I still had buried feelings there. We kiseed a few times nothing else happened, but i know it was wrong now I just wondered for a moment that we could be all happy again. Fast forward to Christmas time 2017.
I was waiting and kept asking for him to sort out a time we could share our child overy the festive period. I could never get a straight answer. I suggested Christmas day was spilt so I have child Christmas afternoon and boxing day as his dad had a shoot boxing day. Then he saw child day after boxing day. As he had his other soon from boxing day too. I waited to hear and nothing, I asked what was happening and got told it would be maybe the Thursday and not the weds like we arranged. We had plans the Thursday. So he didn’t see him until new years eve (that was because I pretty much begged as child wanted to see daddy badly) I asked him to collect our child for 9-1130 am as we had family plans for 1230.
He turned up at 11.10 am and took child to Aldi shopping for 20 minutes. I was so mad, how could he do that?? Then I said so can we sister down and come to some consistency for child he said yes I will teXT you. So I said I will await to hear from you then? And since then….nothing! He’s not asked how child is since Christmas night. It seems he wanted us as a package or not atal.
I got fed up with being messed around over Christmas period with maintenence payments. I asked if he could pay into my bank (usually always has for about a year now) but was late paying, very inconsistent. Sometimes short one week, insisting on paying cash instead. In my eyes everything has to be straight down the line and accounted for.
So I took it to child maintenance for the second time as family based arrangements is not working for us anymore. I first asked to set up direct pay, and also informed him of the decision. He now refuses to pay until they get in touch with him, even though I have told him they will back date it. Then I thought you know what? What’s the point in this he won’t pay with direct pay. So I set it up then as collect and pay, and informed them of his decision not to pay until they contact him.
He is self employed and probably hasn’t done one tax return but I can’t confirm that.
He tells me he now doesn’t pay for his other child with other Mother. Not sure why I didn’t ask, perhaps because child spends a lot of time at his home (the father now lives back with his parents the children’s grandparents)
So I asked him why he hasn’t been to see our child why hasn’t he made any effort and he said I will take him to with me next week to take the other child to school and soft play. As he is off work that day. I said sorry but you haven’t even given me a reason why you have not seen our child or asked how child is? And now your not willing to contribute towards child?
Baring in mind I am a single parent, luckily I have my parents. Our child has allergies and food is so expensive. And now we are short each week. I’ve been worried he’s backon drugs and I’ve asked him. He just laughed and thinks it’s all a game
I really don’t want to stop my child seeing dad but how could I let them see one another when he really does not Care?
Do I take him to court? Make sure he’s clean and consistent and can prove he can be a dad ? Or do I just leave it and hope eventually that little one will forget father becausehe doesn’t seem to want to bother??
Totally at my wits end.22 January 2018 at 8:09 pm #7034
It sounds really tough. Keep strong – the nightmare will be in the past soon.
My gut feeling on this is to make a clean break, for your own sanity and your child’s, and not see him anymore. I think you can take him to court to pay child maintenance but let them know he’s not ‘fit and proper’ to be a dad so you don’t have to have him in your lives?
You don’t have to live with deceit or be messed around anymore. It sounds like it’s time you were a family without him and got on with your lovely future together.
Just my thoughts – hope they help.26 January 2018 at 7:01 pm #7154
Thank you Natalie,
Very lovely response from you.
He keeps asking to call him, and asks pretends to talk to him on his toys. I feel awful, but I have to do what’s right for him. It’s not fair that he has to be in this situation but if his dad was consistent we wouldn’t be in this situation.
Thank you for your kind advise x