What do I tell him about his dad?

[Maddie]

Hi I’m new here. My life is complicated to say the least and I think I’ve made a lot of mistakes but my biggest fear is that they will hurt my son.   How much do I tell him and when?

He is 2 yrs old and has no contact whatsoever with his father. Unfortunately however, I work with him and have done for many years. when I fell pregnant which I had been told was impossible, I was ecstatic but his father was furious and disappeared. He called me all the names under the sun and said my son wasn’t his. I have never been unfaithful, and he is his father. But anyway, his father has now accepted that my son is his but will have nothing to do with him and from a selfish point of view I am glad of that as I couldn’t bear to share him. I don’t want any CM or anything from him but I don’t want to lie to my son about who his father is or why he’s not around but I also don’t ever want him ever to feel the pain of being unwanted. He understands already that our life is different from his cousin’s (who he is extremely close with). His cousin has a mummy and daddy but he only has a mummy. He often calls my sister’s husband daddy and I have to correct him and try and make him laugh that he just doesn’t have a daddy but my heart breaks every time. I chose to be a single mum, my son did not choose to only have one parent. What do I tell him?

[Saph86]

Hi Maddie,

I’m pretty much in the same position as you. I haven’t had any questions yet but have always told myself that I will be honest with my son when that time comes; tell him who his father is and that he lives elsewhere. Reassure that he has lots of family/love regardless. Maybe see if you can find some positive stories about ‘different’ types of families.

Hope that helps 🙂

[Lorraine123]

Hi. My son has had no contact with his father since birth. I spoke to my son when he was little, maybe about 3 and said he has a daddy but mum and dad couldn’t live together so that’s why he’s not around. My ex was quite abusive but I never mentioned this, I also made it clear that we didn’t separate because of him. He is now 20 and has never really asked a lot about his dad and has never wanted to meet him. He has just accepted that it was just me and him as a family. He knows that he is loved.

[Djfhfhdididdbfnfnfn]

Hi,

I’m in a similar situation and never really know what to say about it. I know when child is older they will begin to ask questions, but I find myself at a loss how to explain why child does not have a father.

I was gifted a copy of ‘The Great Big Book Of Families’, which shows all different types of families, houses, living arrangements. Perhaps that could help?

[MeAndBeau]

I feel the same as you, my daughter started asking if she had a Dad when she was 2.5years old (she’s now 3.5) It’s not often she asks but she sees others kids who have both parents. I’m not ready to tell her yet, she’s not old enough to understand and I’d rather her think (for now) she doesn’t have one than know that her dad doesn’t want anything to do with her. I’ve kept all the old photos so I can make her a book one day and explain who he is. Take your time.

[Author]

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