What do i do
1 December 2021 at 10:34 pm #63495
I feel like my life is a big mess right now, so many things adding up to one big mess, nobody knows everything and I feel so alone.
So to start with I have a 13 month old son and have recently split with his dad a few weeks ago due to him spending all his wages on drugs and I had to pay the rent out of my savings. Hes also going to court in 2 weeks as a girl is accusing him of raping her 5 years ago (i dont belive its true) theres no evidence at all other than her telling a few people that it happened so no hard evedence as such. My family appsolutley hate him due to his drug problem which up to recently I thought he had put a stop to it all, ovs not. We have been civil and ive let him come round to do bath and bedtime with our son most evenings, I wount let him be allone with our son due to his drug problem which he understands.
To make things worse i recently found out im pregnant (8wks) ive got an abortion booked for friday. I feel like having the abortion is the right thing to do but im scared i will regret it, i feel guilty that im not giving my son a close in age sibling like i have which i love and i aslo feel bad for the what if i never have anymore children and this is the only chance and my son will forever be an only child. Im due the week after my sisters wedding which im bridesmaid at but due to my sons complicated pregnancy and birth i think they will have opt for a c-section early to avoid what i went through with my son. The abortion clinic are making me have a scan before i go ahead with the abortion to confirm how far allong i am as my periods are not regular as im still (trying but my supply has dropped to a few ml) breastfeeding my son, hes mainly drinking my frozen breastmilk i had previoustly saved up now. I feel like having the scan will make it feel more real and make me more attached to this pregnancy and i just dont know if i would be able to go ahead with it after having a scan, even though they dont show you but i had a scan at this many weeks with my son so i know what will be on the screen and i know there will be a heartbeat which breaks my heart, i feel like a horrible person doing this, i know its the right thing to do in my circumstances but i just dont think i will be able to go throgh with it. Ex said he will support me whatever my choice but he may not even be here in a few weeks to support me. I want to talk to my mum about it but i know she will go on to tell the rest of the family, she can never keep her mouth shut, when i told her i was pregnant with my son she gave me 2 days to tell my dad or she said she would tell him herself as she cant keep secrets from him as she feels like she would be lieing to him, theres no way i want my dad to know about this.2 December 2021 at 2:48 am #63497
Sorry. I’ve only just seen this. There are organisations you can call. I’m sorry things are tough. I cannot give you any opinion other than to trust your own instincts about the pregnancy. I’m a guy so maybe my opinions are not valid but you could ask yourself will you regret more going through with the pregnancy or the termination? If you go through with it there’s lots of support for you.
An organisation that might advise you.
BPAS: 03457 30 40 30
But there’s lots more advice put there.
Message me if you want to chat.2 December 2021 at 9:27 am #63502
Hi @screwed21, Please look out for a private message from me with a signpost to support. With best wishes, Helen2 December 2021 at 10:32 am #63503
reading your post makes me sad and proud at the same time. Proud that we managed to give women the choice to decide about ending the pregnancy, and sad about the circumstances you find yourself in. If all those abortion haters would spend only a fraction of the time they denounce the women who make the choice to end their pregnancy on thinking about how to make their choice easier and their life better.
You are the one who has to pick up the pieces. You trusted your ex, and now you have to deal with the fallout of his lies. Your family, instead of helping you in those circumstances, vents their anger. All those good people who never made a wrong decision in their life.
This is a very personal decision. One about you. It is not about your son, your ex, your family. And it is one you have to make at this moment in time. No benefit of hindsight. And it is not about morals. You have a right to make this decision for yourself. Any which way, you have to deal with the results, and you are the only one who can really judge the resources you can command in any case of outcome.
Reading your post, I am certain you will make a good founded decision. Not right or wrong. There might not be a right or wrong. Just the decision at the time. It will be yours and yours only. And you will make it to the best of your abilities.