For the past 3 1/2 years I have shared care my boys, aged 10 and 4, with their dad and it’s gone fairly well. Because of hours at my work and being unable to pick both children up from separate childcare providers 2 days a week I took the brunt of the weekends.
He has them Mon, Wed and Thurs nights, I have them Tues, Sat and Sun nights and we alternate Friday nights. It worked well because we agreed to swap nights here and there if we needed to for an event or trip.
He put a stop to that last year, I needed to swap too many of his Friday nights for Saturdays in his eyes, about 4 but in a short period. He kept forgetting these were booked in months in advance with him, not last minute but it was too stressful, yet when he wanted to swap it was ok.
The job I work means I can take a lot of the school holidays off to care for them during the day and in the first year or two I had our eldest most of the days in the summer holidays even if it fell on his days, something he forgets.
Anyway, because he stopped the flexibility and I am in a position work wise where the midweek pick up is now no longer a problem. I want to change the days we have the boys so we take turns each weekend. We both work Mon-Fri. We’d still have a 50/50 split but I want a whole weekend off every two weeks, like he gets now, I’m tired of being the sole entertainer every weekend, I have no family to help but he does. I’d like to be able to plan things on a weekend with my partner now and friends but can’t yet he can every weekend if he wanted. Him and our boys need more quality time together but he does not see it that way.
Has anyone changed days so the weekends are fairer? How do people share care? Am I being unreasonable to want to change the days now? How do I get more advice on this?