Very newly separated finding it hard to cope

[KneesaParticipant]

Well last Saturday my husband of 12 years walked out on me and my 2 boys when we were out at football training.  Didn’t say a word and was just gone when we came home. He then blocked my number for 4 days and he’s now told me that he has been seeing someone he met on Instagram for the last 6 months and has now moved in with her and kid.

To say I am heartbroken is an understatement,  he has had depression for 18 months and hasn’t been the person I knew for a long time but I never believed he would to this! I emotionally supported him and let a lot of his behaviour go as I put it down to the depression. It’s my eldest’s birthday in a week and with Christmas round the corner it just kills me he has done this to the kids.

I’m so angry with him and will never forgive him for what he’s done to the kids but I think I realise that he just isn’t the person I thought he was.

The thing is we only moved about 4 months ago not far from my mum friends but everyone is in happy relationships and have their own families.  I guess I’m just struggling to cope at the moment, when the kids are at school and the evenings when they are in bed are the worst and I just feel so desperately lonely. It is really getting me down but I can’t crack as the kids need me. I’m ok when I talk to family on the phone but as soon as I end the call I get overwhelmed with loneliness.

I’m 42 and have found out his new woman is 33 which has totally knocked me for six too. It’s ok for him, he has someone to talk to and go home to of an evening and I just feel like I have no one.

I just needed a rant before I start crying again..

 

[WesternchampionParticipant]

Hi Kneesa.  Sorry to hear you are going through such a tough time. I was in a similar position to you and I couldn’t think straight for weeks and just couldn’t understand it all. I had no one to talk to and if it wasn’t for the kindness of strangers, gingerbread and the Samaritans along with my kids, who just by being there was a help I don’t know how I would have got through it.  My advice would be don’t bottle it up.  Seek help and take things day by day. Prioritise yourself and your children.   If you need to rant some more or you need someone to talk to my in box is open.  Take care.

[KneesaParticipant]

Thank you so much, today is a really bad day, seem on the verge of tears constantly and don’t want my kids to see this and worry

[ChasingHappinessParticipant]

Sometimes the tears will fall and that’s ok. It doesn’t make you weak or a bad mum. It’s survival.

I find the loneliness the hardest part too. I have friends and family who are all supportive, but it’s not the same as having companionship from your loved one. I left my husband thinking that there was more to life and a greater love out there. We were best friends but nothing more. However, I was wrong to have left him. Your husband may get to this stage too eventually but by then you’ll be stronger, braver and will have well and truly moved on, and he will regret it. Till then, hold your head high and talk to people about how your feeling. Don’t bottle it up because it doesn’t help, trust me.

If you ever fancy a chat then feel free to message me, hate to think of someone else struggling with loneliness too.

[Confused71Participant]

Hi Kneesa sorry to hear your going through this situation. I know it s hard I was with my Ex for  over 12 years and we split 2 years ago but still lived together till she moved out early this year. I found it hard when she moved out we had hardly any contact except for our son, who we share custody. It has been hard to deal with loneliness the week he is at his mums. I have had really dark days and have days where I feel like crying over silly things. I have friends online that are  helping and supporting me through this. When I have emotional days when I feel like breaking down I put on a comedy/happy film or just watch funny videos on YouTube to try distract me. It doesn’t work all the time but sometimes it helps lift my mood. I try focusing on the future for myself and my son making sure this doesn’t effect him to much. It will be hard but just take it one day at a time and try focus on the future for you and your kids. If you ever need to have a rant or just chat feel free to message me. I know sometimes just having someone to have a rant with helps.

[EnoughIsEnough89Participant]

Hey Kneesa,

I’m sorry this has happened to you, you must be crushed.

However, this is his loss when you were so supportive, patient and tolerant with him despite his behaviour. So now focus on your future with what’s best for you and your children – maybe look into finding some support groups near you, where you can meet up with others and have a coffee and a chat? I know it’s difficult especially when your emotions are totally draining you but you are going to better than ok – you’re going to thrive, you are an amazing person and your life will move forward. Time to focus on you and your needs.

Sending big hugs.

[pocketfullofrainbowsParticipant]

I have also just separated and just wanted to say that you’re not alone. I’m finding it very dark! Hope things improve for you & remember to take a day at a time x

[Diana.HParticipant]

Hiya

I find myself in a very similar situation. My husband of 25 years left me on Sunday saying for the last 6 months he has stopped loving me.  I had no clue and am devastated. We have 2 teenage children and I feel completely lost, I never knew one person could have so many tears. To top it off I am having an operation on my back next week….. he cannot give me any  answers other than he no longer lives me. You are not alone in your pain, i hope you can take comfort from that

[pocketfullofrainbowsParticipant]

Hi Diana,

God that’s awful. You must be in such shock. Try to take it easy and get as much support as you can.

im finding it harder than grief it really is tough 🙁

x

[Diana.HParticipant]

Pocketfullofrainbows, thank you. I just feel numb at the moment. I had a panic attack in the shower this morning and my 14 year old daughter had to sort me out, I just cannot get my head around what has actually happened, you are right in that it is a type of grief. I have not used these sort of forums before but I am hoping try will help find a path in the darkness. I hope you find help here too 🙁

[pocketfullofrainbowsParticipant]

Hi Diana,

Thank You,  I am also new to forums too, but just felt so alone and in so much pain.

Sorry to hear that you had a panic attack. They are the most scariest of things. There is so much on the internet to help with those. I find if I focus on something (an object), and just breathe it really helps if I have a panic attack.

take care x

[DadwhossingleParticipant]

Hi all, I’ve been a member here since the weekend and I have to say the supportive vibe and general well wishes have really helped.

Kneesa, I’m sorry to hear you’re going through this, its utterly crap. My own experience is similar regards the loneliness and despair. All I would say I’d trust that it will end and you will get some closure.

A lot of people have offered their inbox and I would take them up on it. You can message me if you like too. I would contact someone because even just reaching out makes a huge difference.

Take care and stay strong.

[MariamazzyParticipant]

hi i ve beem in sane situation my husband of 17 yrs upped left wen my daughter was im hospital never heard off him since x

[Diana.HParticipant]

 Hi Mariamazzy, that is just horrible. There are no words that can help as I am sure that you know, just keep talking

 

[KneesaParticipant]

Thank you all, I’ve been finding out much more about his deception and just wow, I really don’t know who I was married to or what he was capable of. He’s basically a stranger now although he has been good with the boys but will have to work hard to earn back their trust.

Now some of the shock has worn off, i have found that within myself i actually feel happier and at peace, i didn’t realise how negatively his presence was affecting me and my well being. It’s a bit of a relief to be fair, not feeling resentful or walking on eggshells.

The loneliness is still an issue sometimes and as i am a very social person and love having someone to chat to of an evening or even just sitting on  the sofa with someone, it’s the presence of someone I miss, not actually him.

I guess I am just going to have to put my big girl pants on and get used to start liking my own company! I’ve never lived alone, always have had someone there so I guess this is the part I am struggling with the most

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