Very new to this!

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  • #6682 Report

    Roche
    Participant

    Hi,

    i have just joined this group and I am so glad that I have found it. As of last November my girlfriend left me,stating that she did not love me anymore. She has started seeing somebody else already and that has also been hard to take. We have two young boys,one of 2 and one of 6,however the 6 year old is not biologically mine. I have had him in my life since the age of 2 and a half and love him just as much as my biological son. My ex partner will not speak to me,and all contact is just about the boys,as I know it should be. I am not sure why she has to be so nasty and cruel throughout all of this. We have agreed almost 50/50 access. I suppose I have a few concerns and worries. Firstly I am really struggling when the boys are not around,I miss them so much. Before the split I was with them everyday,now the longest time I go without seeing them is 4 days,which I find tough! Any suggestions as to how to fill that vacuum? I am not at all ready to date again,even though she clearly is. How do you cope with an ex that is nasty all the time? Handovers are horrible enough without having to see her again whilst I am trying to get over all of this. Any help/advice I would appreciate so so much. Are there any meetings socially that anybody takes part in through this group? Thank you in advance.

    #6687 Report

    Charleyhxxxx
    Participant

    No advice really as I’m going through the same thing but I’m the Mum and my ex has already moved in with his new gf and 3 kids. I don’t love him although I’m finding it really hard without him around. The best thing you can do although it seems impossible now, is to show her just how strong you can be and become an even better person for you and for your boys. Have you got any friends that have been through a similar situation that you can talk to?

    #6800 Report

    Roche
    Participant

    Hi Charley,

    Many  thanks for your reply. I have got some really good friends and they have been very supportive. It is the evenings I struggle with when I don’t have the boys. The 6 year old told me last week that ‘mummy’s friend stays over in her bed’ and it still hurt to hear that even though she left me in mid November. Just feel a bit stuck st the moment and find it tough to accept that she has moved on so quickly. I would be a lot better with complete no contact but that is impossible because of the boys. I have always been an out of sight out of mind person when dealing with relationships. She was a typical Narcissist in that she used me, primarily for financial reasons,and then just walked out. I know I should be thinking that I should be relieved that she is now out of my life and that some other poor sod will be getting duped next but I do weirdly still miss her!! I hope you are ok and are coping. If there is anything I can do to help please let me know and thank you again for your reply.

    #6804 Report

    elsie310
    Participant

    I also struggle in the evening without my son. I think what makes it especially hard is that I’ve also gone from being with him every day to now having to let him go and see his Dad, even though he was the one who had an affair and chose to split up the family so horribly. It’s so difficult when you struggle to believe in yourself but you have got to start protecting yourself and doing things for yourself. Be grateful that she is allowing you to see them, even if it’s very difficult, focus on that ones good thing. I use the time when my son isn’t around to clean and tidy and generally sort things out so I can give him my full attention when I do have him. Im also at college one of those evenings, so I didn’t see him on that day even before we split up. Maybe you could start a college course? It definitely helps take your mind off things, and will hopefully enable you to have a better future and give your sons a better future too. Don’t let her take advantage of your good nature, I know how easy that is to say and how hard it is to do, but just be aware of what is right for you and your boys.

    #6869 Report

    Claire88
    Participant

    In a very similar situation also, my husband decided he wanted to leave. Two small children who are very confused about the whole situation . My 4 yr old has become. very clingy and keeps saying that daddy doesn’t live with us anymore. I suppose he is processing everything now, (husband moved out in Nov) we are able to be amicable for about a week and then it turns nasty again. My husband continues to lie about things-mainly to do with a woman he works with who he is clearly starting a relationship with. I felt sick to my stomach when I found out. He still denies it to this day! Like the previous mum said I get my housework done when kids are at their dad’s as there is a never ending list of jobs that need to be done, I literally don’t stop but know it’s all worth it to keep a happy home.

    #6896 Report

    Roche
    Participant

    Thank you so much for your replies,it is so good to hear other perspectives because this single parenting sure does feel lonely at the moment. She has the boys from Sunday afternoon until when I collect them on the Thursday at 4ish. My six year old told me last week that ‘mummy’s friend slept in her bed’,which I found hard to take. I told her by text that I don’t want these boys seeing a different man unless it is serious. Not sure if I was right to say that. She has told me that there is no need for concern but I am not so sure. I was amazed that she started sleeping with somebody else so quickly to be honest. Maybe it is just a kick to my male ego,I really don’t know. Anyway,many thanks for your messages,they really do help!

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