Urgh! I’m just so disgusted!!

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  • #53718 Report

    1. I’m really struggling and I dont even know where to start, I was married to a man who was not there to me or his dd to say the least, I finally said I wanted a divorce and this led him to find another woman and leave.. cutting contact completely with his now 13 yr old daughter, who is in a mess, angry, hurt, I struggle to support her. He doesn’t pay child maintenance as I dont know where he is, and I’m struggling to pay electric (has been off since Feb.) Due to rent and everything else, I dont expect much, just to help support his daughter who cant understand how he just left and cut her out, I cant understand how he wont provide anything for her, it’s just disgusting that I cant chase him to provide for her at least, just before he left I asked of he would help and pay towards dd clothes, he actually answered I am not paying for you! and has disappeared,  the money was not for ME !! I’m in debt, I work full time but struggle to pay rent, and everything else alone and no hope for support from dad, please help
    #53719 Report


    hi, have you tried opening a case with child maintenance service? if your ex has a regular job, they can track him down pretty easily, and can take money right out of his wages, and send to you.

    #53720 Report


    Thank you, for taking the time and replying, he looked on internet dating sites, he met someone abroad and then moved there, to both of ours shock he moved abroad and didn’t let us know his address or even state, he kept it very quiet, e had just said he had met a German woman, I cant give much to go on, daughter feels completely abandoned

    #53721 Report


    He is probably on Germany, no idea if he has a wage and zero way of checking or chasing up so am on my own….

    #53722 Report

    • He is probably on Germany, no idea if he has a wage and zero way of checking or chasing up so am on my own….
    #53723 Report

    • He is probably on Germany, no idea if he has a wage and zero way of checking or chasing up so am on my own…. just wish he had been in this country as I would have fought tooth and nail…as it was he met someone online who lived in Germany, he wanted to move there, no mention of seeing or supporting dd, he then left, no knowledge of him,  just gone, it’s like bereavement to his dd who adored him, shes in shock, has had alot of emotional problems, like anger, self harm,  we are working through it now,  but I’m so angry!! I’m catching up on debt that was joint utilities and cant afford to have heating for me and dd, rent is high and no support…its very hard and it’s ok as we have our life free, but how do some parents just get away with not supporting their children and does this happen!!
    #53728 Report


    I’m sorry to read your post bc it’s far too common.It is appalling.I find the posts where reasonable sounding parents are desperate for more time with their kids,heartening as there’s far too much of the opposite.If you can’t do anything to fix the situation for your daughter  it’s vital to get get some kind of support/therapy as the pain is far too much for you and her to carry alone,and can have consequences a long time down the road.You need to salvage what you can.These types of men should not be let out of their cage.

    #53761 Report


    If CSA have not confirm he can’t be tracked then I would still make contact. If you have already and they have said no can you ask them again for advice re where to go next.

    It won’t relive the emotions pain for your daughter or you but it will help in many other ways making sure he pays for his responsibilities. It is beyond me how any human can sleep at night knowing they have just left their own flesh and blood in the lurch like this.

    I imagine this problem with payment can be more common than I’d like to admit. I have heard comments before ref paying for ‘you’, as if an ex paying parent is funding the ‘extravagances’ of an ex rather than supporting the care of their own child.

    #53778 Report


    I completely get it!
    my ex decided he no longer wanted to see his daughter, refused mediation and a contact centre. He’s paid 56 weekly payments in 4 years! Stopping again January this year.
    It’s so frustrating as it takes 2 to make a baby, but he can swan off with no responsibility or consequence! he tells people he give me £400 a month and I won’t let him see his daughter, this is far from the truth, his payments equate to less than £6 a week!!
    It makes me want to contact CMS, but he has been abusive in the past, with police intervention. He has a big drug problem causing him to be hospitalised last year, I have no idea where he lives…..so the idea of CMS tracking him down fills me with fear and how he may react.

    But I’m sure in years to come he will want to swan back into her life and fill her head with utter nonsense about the way I treated him 🤦‍♀️

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