Urgent help

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  • #46498 Report



    I am a desperate to  find help with my case:

    10 years marriage to a british

    I am foreigner

    2 children (6 and 3)

    Joint mortgage

    I am a full time mum

    Over a month ago we had a disagreement and I had a panic attack(first time in my life) so I told him to leave (there was no interaction between the 2 of us, he used to go somewhere else to work from “home).

    After 3 days he asked me to come back and pick up some clothes, when I got home I discovered all his belongings gone.

    I tried to reconcile several times before him leaving and after, he said our relationship has always been bad and that he made up his mind.

    I filed for divorce (because he doesn’t have any grounds towards me).

    The problem here is that he wants to sell the house in January, I have no job (applying like crazy), I am on benefits now (for the 1st time) and I am the primary carer of the kids.

    He says I have no choice but to sell the house, if I take him to court there will be less money for me. And keeps texting me properties that I cannot afford without a loan which I won’t get because of the benefits and lack of credit history (the mortgage is direct debit with his personal account).  I think he wants to split the bills of the house until we have a final agreement. He makes almost 5000 a month.

    Do I need to tell him how much UC I have?

    Is he entitled to remove his name of the bills of the house and put mine? I wouldn’t think so without my consent.

    Please help! Legal aid might be an option but is raking ages for a decision.




    #46500 Report

    Hi There

    I’m one of the moderators here at Gingerbread.  As you are seeking advice you might want to contact the Gingerbread Single Parent Helpline – Freephone 0808 802 0925.

    Opening hours: Mon 10-6, Tues 10-4, Weds 10-1 and 5-7, Thurs 10-4, Fri 10-4. The line does get busy so it’s likely you will need to wait before your call is answered.

    They should be able to help you explore your options.  I hope this helps


    #46502 Report


    Thanks Justine

    I’ll give it a go.

    #46543 Report


    Did you apply for and get British Citizenship? Are you from an EU country? Is he the father of the 2 children? Are you their birth mother? Irrespective of whether you gained british citizenship or from eu if you have lived here for over 10 years and are/were married to a british man the children have british citizenship and he is responsible for paying maintenance for them and probably you too. He should also be responsible for the mortgage or rent for where you live now so don’t let him persuade you that you need to get out because you don’t. Sounds like he is trying to panic you because he knows you have rights. A court would put the needs of the children and their primary carer first, virtually always. If you have lived in the same house for 10 years and your 6 year old goes to school nearby the court would not want to disrupt the childrens life too much either. So please don’t panic. I am no expert so do as Gingerbread Justine says and phone their advice line. Until you Get legal aid some solicitors will give an hours time to advise you for a fixed fee, used to be £10, probably £20 to £50 now, a lot if your on UC but worth it if you can find the money, to give you some peace of mind. He has a good income and will have to pay which he knows so is trying to panic and mislead you. I hope you get on alright and Good Luck

    David x

    #46768 Report


    Hi David

    Thanks for your comment. I am the birth mother of the 2 children, I haven’t applied for citizenship (cost). He is British and I am from latinamerica.

    I see how it goes.


    Many thanks

    #46771 Report


    The most sensible thing to do would be to sell the house and divide the money fairly . This would then reduce costs dramatically. Divorce in my opinion is a divorce , does it really matter what has happened. if you both happily want to get a divorce best to write best reason possible .

    With you having 2 children like mentioned above you would get child maintenance and would either speak to ex partner directly to come to an arrangement.

    If no joy then you would need to contact CMS who will work out what you would need to be paid monthly.

    He is entitled to remove his name from all bills as he isnt living there but any child maintenance would help towards bills etc.

    Also you may need to contact council tax office at some point as you can claim council tax benefit and single person allowance which is separate to universal credits.

    Hopefully you and ex can amicably sort out child care arrangements  as well so children dont get affected by whats happening unfortunately at moment.


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