Urgent help needed
28 January 2021 at 1:57 pm #48783
i have recently separated with my ex last November. She has just had my newborn baby and is saying I am allowed access once a week with her mum there but she will not be putting me on the birth certificate. She is saying shes in contact with agencies, so i think she is making up lies and saying about domestic abuse.. which on my part there was none at all. she was always controlling and its the reason I did leave, as the pregnancy made her 10x worse slamming a door onto my arm smacking a glass out of my hand, but she is trying to play the victim when i ended the relationship. she has been saying the reason I left was because i couldn’t handle being a father and that i was the controlling on, and everybody hangs on to her every word. I do have a lot of emails and texts from her being vicious, nasty and vindictive. She even set the screensaver on my laptop with definitions of a shit dad and a deadbeat.
Now I work hard i pay my way I was always making sure she had everything during pregnancy that she needed. But her behaviour was to much. once Lilly my daughter arrived, she was being nice video calling me from the hospital saying say hey to daddy and sending nice texts, and i thought there was a glimmer of hope that things would work out. As soon as she leaves hospital she changes again. she allowed me to go on the Monday she said her mum wouldn’t be there so i could bond with my daughter but she was there and refused to go anywhere so I stayed obviously.
after I had left she never responded to me until I asked the ex yesterday when I can see lily next and when will we be registering the birth in which her response was you can see lily once a week but you are not being on the birth certificate, but I still expect maintenance..
Now this is my 1st child and i love that little girl to bits and would do anything for her, but i refuse to get back into a toxic relationship where my daughter would witness it. so I would prefer to be a single dad. i suppose what im asking is for advice and if anyone has a similar story..
sorry for such a long message and thank you for taking the time to read this.28 January 2021 at 2:17 pm #48785
what I would suggest is you continue to see your child, even though it’s for very little time. Try not to get worked up about the birth certificate issue. this issue has been popping up a lot. it’s pretty pathetic and a way to hurt and push your buttons. real problems would occur as your child gets older, and the mother still keeps the visiting time very restrictive. In future she might refuse to let you spend time with your child at your place/spend nights. and at that point I think you should consider mediation, and possibly court action as last resort.28 January 2021 at 2:29 pm #48786
Thank you for your response to this matter.
This is part of the issue she’s allowing me to see her once a week for one hour but has to be supervised with her mother present. I feel like if I go there and I do take her to court they will make more lies up saying I don’t seem safe with her since its two against one, and they are both the same people. Very scheming and manipulate and so I asked for my mum to be present as well so they can not make anything up, and have refused to allow this to happen, due to covid., although I work in health care and said that I would get both of us tested weekly which I have to do anyway working in nursing. Still she refused.28 January 2021 at 2:35 pm #48787
if you were to apply to court now, then it’s unlikely you would get more time. Am assuming your child is being breast fed. so likely court will be told that child can not be away from mother for too long. I have been to court in similar scenario. I started out by seeing child just 30 minutes a week. at her place first. then at a local coffee shop unsupervised for an hour. when child was a year old, time increased by few more hours so I could taker her home. she will be almost 2 and a half now, so should start to spend overnights with me around april time.28 January 2021 at 2:46 pm #48788
she’s being bottle fed, as she was almost 10ibs so wants a lot of milk, and she will not latch properly so will only take from the bottle.
She also let me feed her on monday but has a habit of doing this. She will be really nice and amicable when she knows I’m starting to come round and then snatch it away, basically dangling a carrot in front of a donkey, silly analogy, but very true.
I have been trying to be supportive buying everything she needs given her money offering to help where is needed, but her mum has way to much involvement and is currently staying there.
Was your ex more amicable then when it did go through court? I know at the moment it is kind of pointless as I won’t get very far.28 January 2021 at 2:58 pm #48789
no she was not amicable all. toxic and impossible to deal with.28 January 2021 at 3:20 pm #48790
Sorry to hear that. Sounds promising, knowing exactly what she’s like. Thank you for the advice though appreciated28 January 2021 at 3:38 pm #48791
I’m Michelle one of the moderators here in the forum. It’s good to see you posting here. This sounds like a difficult situation, so I’m glad that you can benefit from the experience of others who have had similar experiences. You may also be able to find some clarity on your situation through getting in touch with the following organisation:
• Child Law advice service https://childlawadvice.org.uk/ – they provide legal advice on family law issues related to children, so if you have questions around contact they have information on their website about this, and a helpline staffed by legal specialists 0300 330 5480
I hope that helps
Michelle28 January 2021 at 3:49 pm #48794
It’s nice to get some feedback instead of feeling at a loose end.
Thank you for this information I shall get in contact with them.
Appreciate the help 🙂