Unstable Ex – worried about child

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    I have been a single parent for four years now. My daughter is six. Not your average family dynamics. I broke up with my ex due to him coming out as transgender. It’s been a horrible journey. I have tried very hard to nurture my daughter and her dad’s relationship as I live in Cornwall and my daughter’s dad lives in Surrey. Over the years Jessica (ex partner) has stayed at my home so she can save on money when she visits and I have travelled up to London by car to take our daughter to stay.

    Jessica is mentally unstable, being suicidal at times. In the past I have tried to support her but after a confession about the debt she has accrued, I am not talking to her unless it is specifically about our child.

    I just overheard a conversation between Jessica and our daughter saying she was likely to be losing her job. To me this is not something you should be telling a six year old. It is not appropriate to burden a child with your problems and it has scared my little one. I am now at a point where I feel all visitation and communication should be supervised as I am not confident that Jessica is stable enough to be on her own with our daughter.

    I rely heavily on maintenance from her, I wish I didn’t but due to a debt she left me with, I have been paying off a loan which I still have three years left to pay.

    Due to the all consuming emotional crap I have had to deal with over the years, I have let go of friendships and have absolutely no life outside of being a single working mum.

    I am fiercely protective of my daughter and I go above and beyond making sure she is happy, safe, healthy, well educated and making sure we have lots of fun like any six year old deserves so she will hopefully look back on her childhood with a smile knowing mum loves her.

    I would really value your opinions on my current situation and any words of wisdom and support because I feel very much alone right now. Many thanks in advance.


    #15779 Report


    hi Hannah , I cant say iv been through the transgender part , I have to say what an amazing women and mother you are , you have helped her as far as you can take it from what you have said , I have been through the unstable part , it seems like your ex needs counselling and like you said that is not your six years olds job , or yours , you have to put your mental health first before any one else , one thing I have learnt through going to court with my ex due to dv and not putting my sons first , is we cant change others , we can only change our selfs , you ex has a very long way to go before she comes out the other side , talk to her tell her your concerns ask her to seek mental health help , let her know the impact of all of this on you and your daughter that you will have no choice but to stop contact if she doesn’t improve  , youe daughter knows you love her and keep up the great job your doing with her , and try not to think about what may happen , concentrate on you and her , I know money may be difficult for you , have you looked at benefits you can apply for?


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