Unruly teenager, please help!

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  • #23348 Report


    My Son is 14 and is out of control. He goes out does not tell me where or what he does. I tell him no but he doesn’t listen and walks out the door and he is now bigger then me so I can’t stop him. He doesn’t come home when he should and doesn’t answer my calls. I have taken away his Xbox and barred his phone and blocked the internet but nothing bothers him. I am really at my wits end

    #23366 Report


    Have you spoken to the school? How is he coping? Do you know who his friends are? Do they?

    At 14 this is a safeguarding issue. Can you find out who his friends are and call their parents when he doesn’t come home, try to work out where he is. Is he at his dad’s?

    Have you tried some carrot rather than stick. By that I mean, have you tried doing something where he actively wants to be at home? Some kind of weekend activity perhaps. Try to get him involved. Ask him to cook a barbecue. Take him go-carting. Give him some responsibility or try to rebuild a relationship.

    Some councils have support teams for this sort of stuff I think.

    #23372 Report


    Hi Claire,

    My son is much younger so I’m dreading having to deal with what you are.  Kathy has an important point about safeguarding.  Just an idea, but rather than blocking or barring his phone if this is not having a positive effect… maybe encouraging him to keep it on and asking him to call you or text to let you know he is OK might have a better result?

    At the very least if there is a real problem and you were worried about him being missing, with a phone nowadays at least it makes him much easier to locate by authorities etc..


    #23377 Report

    Hi Clare2912

    I’m glad to see you are getting support here on the forum from other parents.  Other people will have been through the same experience.  An agency that is useful is Family Lives.  They provide general support to family on issues around parenting, emotional support and generally coping as a parent. Hopefully they will have some information that will be helpful for you.

    http://www.familylives.org.uk 0808 800 2222

    Hope that helps, Justine

    #23388 Report


    Hi Clare

    My son was 14 when his dad left and he was so angry. 16 months later and he’s still struggling with certain aspects.

    i would speak to school about support / counselling.

    One thing that really helped me and my lad was totally by accident. I’d had a tough day at work, felt really unwell and generally yuk about life which is unlike me. I’d asked my son to do something (I can’t temember exactly what but it was trivial) and he refused. And I just burst into tears. I was mortified as I’m the parent, I’m supposed to be there for him blah blah blah. Actually what he’d been seeing as a 14 year old was a mom who didn’t care as I’d never got upset (I obviously had but not in front of him) and all of a sudden he realised that I hadn’t wanted his dad to leave either. We had a good talk and things got much better.

    Don’t get me wrong, he’s still a normal teenager.

    Hope that helps a bit xx

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