14 May 2019 at 11:47 am #24899
I have been separated 3 years now. I work full time and have a 10 year old son and a 19 year old daughter who has just had her own child (they live with me). These last three years have been hard work, I worked full time in a stressful and challenging job and was trying my best to keep all the balls in the air whilst trying to create new traditions, memories and a happy environment at home. I organised play therapy for my son at school to help him with the way he was feeling, tried to be there for him to talk to.
My sons behaviour goes up and down and he says some horrible things to me sometimes but sometimes we are really close and he is really loving. Saturday just gone I hit a stone wall and had an emotional breakdown after my son was misbehaving and calling me names, and I had horrible thoughts, the next day i was like a zombie and my thought processes weren’t working properly and I felt numb, I was very scared Saturday night at how I was feeling and am now off work with stress. I am struggling to see a way back from the way I am feeling right now. My son says he hates me (I told my husband to leave) and wishes me dead last night and quite frequently says he wants to go live with his dad (which isn’t an option as his dad cannot look after him full time due to his health), and I am struggling to take all the anger that is coming my way. I know he loves me really, and that beyond all the bravado he is a little boy who is struggling and I have been trying to be strong for him and look past all the nastiness and be an adult, but his words are cutting me deep at the moment as I am feeling particulary low.
I am feeling like such a failure right now. I suspect I have been trying so hard to keep my children happy and trying to cope that I have neglected to take care of myself these last three years, which has well and truly bit me hard in the bum ! I have been to the doctor and they have put me on AD. My work are being supportive but have had to advise me that I am reaching the 6 weeks cut off for full time sickness pay, so if I cant go back to work after that time I will be on half pay which will make things tougher financially. I am so up and down at the moment emotionally, some days I can put my mask on, and others like today i do the bare minimum, take my son to school and get back in bed until time for him to come home and then cook dinner and get ready for the tantrums, abuse etc.
I live about an hour away from family and have no support where I am at the moment. I am forcing myself to post on here as although i sometimes feel i am the only one going through this I suspect I am not. Any support would be much appreciated.14 May 2019 at 12:38 pm #24900
Hi, sorry to hear what you and your son are going through, I was in a similar situation with my son last year when we were told my father was terminally ill with cancer. My sons emotions wee all over the pace and he could not control his anger. I too spoke to the school and they got him some meditation classes at school. I also installed the medication apps calm and breeth on my phone and he uses them especially at night when going to sleep. I also started giving him omega 3 daily that has helped calm him. I’m happy to say I now have my lovely calm little boy back. Things will get better, but I know how you are feeling. I was at my wits end emotionally and was so worried about him. I hope this gives you some hope. X15 May 2019 at 8:02 am #24910
Have to second the suggestion of talking to school. My son’s has been a huge help and they also supported his mother too when she was going through a rough patch. As strange as it sounds yougotafriend’s suggestion of those apps can actually work… My son is hooked on one called buddhify and it does actually calm him, it’s part if his winding down routine now. The mindfulness thing is something they are teaching in some schools now but I’ve found can help a lot when things get tough. Sometimes the kids become the teachers!
Hang in there, things may be tough right now but you’ve taken the first step talking about it to others. It’s a really supportive forum and you will get a lot of support from here.