5 March 2021 at 4:13 pm #50743
Hi. I found out I was pregnant on Tuesday morning (I have the coil) I have a 5 year old my partner has a 10 year and he loves 2 hours away from me in same town as his son and has him mon-fri weekly (excluding tues eve) He is devastated that I’m pregnant and is having panic attacks/crying etc. I’m 38 and don’t want an abortion despite the baby not being planned ..any one have any ideas at how this could work? I have a feeling I’m going to be doing this all alone. He doesn’t want to not be involved but can’t see a way out without abandoning his son. I don’t think he would be abandoning him but he sees it like that and says it won’t work. He hasn’t said it as such but by all the negative feedback I know really he wants me to have an abortion.5 March 2021 at 11:43 pm #50768
Firstly, even though your pregnancy is unplanned, it’s still worth a congratulations. I was in a similar situation to you, I have a 4 year old (who was 2 at the time) and I fell pregnant with my husband, but we were technically seperated. He still lives where we had a home together and I had moved 4 hours away to be closer to my family when we seperated. I was terrified of doing it on my own too, and didn’t really see how it could ever work. Granted, I wasn’t in a loving relationship with the guy like you are with your partner, but he was still going to be the father of my child and obviously would need to see both children.
I understand the current situation with his son makes things slightly difficult in terms of him needing to be in two places at once, but is there anyway he can split his time between being there with you and being with his son? How often does he visit you? Is it just at weekends?
Please don’t rush into making any decisions, as much as its unplanned like my daughter was, it doesn’t mean its all doomed. I never would have imagined I could raise 2 children on my own, and although it’s been difficult at times, I wouldn’t change it for the world and I love every moment of it.
You both need to sit down and talk about it, and maybe think how it can work practically. If your partner isn’t in a position to move right now, then that’s OK, but who knows what might change in the future to make that possible? Maybe the negativity from his side is more shock and confusion about how he could make it work best for you both. It’s normal to panic and wonder how you can make it all be OK. I think every parent has those worries, with a partner or as singles. Despite everything, it’s happy news. Please don’t be scared or worry too much, it just needs a conversation (or three) to come up with a practical plan of how you two can make it work the best you can in your current situations.
I’m always here if you need to talk 😊11 March 2021 at 10:14 pm #51118
I know exactly how you feel. We are both the same age and my pregnancy was unplanned and very unexpected.
I was married before and divorced and we had tried for years to conceive. Then 5 years after my divorce I got engaged to someone else and just like that I conceived.
He was very happy about the baby but we had a few very intense fights and misunderstandings and he just walked out on me.
I’m terrified of going through this pregnancy alone. I keep contemplating whether to terminate the pregnancy although deep down I scared of not conceiving in the future when I feel I’m ready. I have extreme morning sickness which is making this so much harder and I’m still struggling to pay off tons of tuition fees.
I think your partner can more than find a way to make time both kids without depriving any of them. It would be a challenge sometimes but it doesn’t warrant not keeping the unborn baby.
I do hope you find more strength than me to hold on to your beautiful baby. Have you had your scans and check-up with your midwife? Focus less on your partner for now and put you and baby first.12 March 2021 at 7:26 am #51127
Sorry Ladies, I hadn’t seen your replies til now . I’m new to this forum. Thankyou for congratulating me , I have another scan today as the pregnancy wasn’t found last week, really nervous about it. I think it was too early to find the pregnancy last week and I can’t see how a week will change that. Turns out my womb has expelled the coil!! No idea how that happened or how I didn’t feel it, but that’s what happened. I’ve actually just woken up and not sleeping well at the moment. I’m sorry you are going through a hard time tinkerbell, sending love. I’ll update the situation after scan x x12 March 2021 at 7:29 am #51128
Thankyou for taking the time to reply. I think things will work out somehow ..just not sure how , or if there’s a future for our relationship, I don’t feel supported by my partner at all and feel he wants it all to go wrong so don’t even feel like I want his ‘support’ at the moment …argh confused x12 March 2021 at 10:37 am #51132
Hi 😊 don’t worry about him for the minute. Just concentrate on the baby and your next scan and then you can worry about everything else after. Please let us know how you get on today. Here if you need to chat xx13 March 2021 at 2:53 am #51179
If you don’t mind a man commenting…after going through 3 abortions with girlfriends over the years, I found out that the lady I was with for only six months was pregnant….I was happy, but I didn’t know what the lady would decide to do….I tried to do do the old fashioned thing by offering to marry her, long story short, we didn’t end up getting married…..my daughter just turned 12, and I can’t imagine my life without her, she spends most of her time in my home…and I thank her every day for being my daughter….you gotta do what is best for you, but sometimes our path is chosen for us