Unplanned and he’s threatening to leave

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  • #40751 Report



    I’d love some advice, and really someone to talk to.

    I’ve been with my partner for nearly two years. We don’t live together but we do spend a lot of time together and have so far been very happy and very much in love. Just before lockdown was official he temporarily moved in so we’d be together. Six weeks into lockdown I found out that I was six weeks pregnant.

    It was a shock to us both and initially he was great, really understanding and seemed happy with the situation. We talked about where we might live and how we could potentially do it. It had been a shock but I was happy and excited to be having a baby with someone I love and felt would make a great dad. I’m 38 and haven’t found myself in the right relationship before to try for a baby and had sort of assumed that maybe it just wouldn’t happen now.

    Then in the past few weeks something has changed (I’m now 12 weeks) and he is extremely angry and wants me to have an abortion. He thinks that having a baby will ruin all our lives, mainly because of finances. We are both self employed and neither earn huge amounts at all. He wants us to wait a couple of years and try then, I’ve tried explaining how difficult that might be because of my age. He thinks I’m being incredibly selfish and has said (threatened) that I will have to do it alone if I go through with this pregnancy. We have struggled to talk because he gets so angry which in turn makes me very tearful. He is the same age as me and has never lived with a partner, or really had very long relationships. So this is all very new for him.

    I’ve just no idea what to do. Its horrible to think that he will hate me. Financially I will struggle by myself and will have to apply for benefits as I rent, which doesn’t feel ideal. I run a business with a friend and she has literally just had a baby so business wise its terrible timing, but we can be adaptable. Because of the current Covid situation I’ve hardly told anyone. One minute I feel like I am being selfish and start thinking about an abortion (sobbing), the next I feel this is my last chance and of course I can do it by myself, the next I feel incredibly alone. Its just an emotional rollercoaster at the moment.

    Any advice would be very welcome,

    Thank you

    #40772 Report


    I’m a single parent and as soon as I found out I was pregnant my partner left me. I felt the exact same as you, alone and what would I do. Again he was horrible to me. He had changed from when I first met him until I found out I was pregnant. I felt like I didn’t know what to do or how would I manage. After taking time and thinking it through I realised I didn’t need him and having someone as negative in my life would do me no good.

    In your situation I feel that your partner is controlling and selfish. To even talk to you like that is disgusting. This is your baby too and you have the choice to have this child. He has obviously shown no consideration for your feelings nor the relationship to start dictating how you are going to live your life. If I was you I would leave him and have your baby on your own. You could go to the benefits office now and discuss how much benefits you are entitled to and are they able to help you with accommodation or your rent as you would be unemployed.

    You are now 38 and I think if you listened to him you would regret this decision in years to come. If you don’t feel happy I would find new accommodation and text him. If he wants to discuss meet in a public area. He’s not he perfect partner I feel if he has threatened you or makes you feel unhappy. Also if he has threatened you in a violent way that’s against the law.

    This is only my opinion and this is what I would do if I was in your situation

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