21 October 2018 at 9:48 am #17051
I found out I was pregnant 2 weeks ago. I am recently divorced ( my marriage lasted under a year due to my husband having an affair) and had started seeing someone recently for a short time ( nothing serious at all). When we slept together, protection was used religiously and this is why this has come as a massive shock. I am 35 and have always wanted children, i have a professional career and stable home and extremely supportive family network. However, the BIG BUT is the biological father has said he wants nothing at all to do with the pregnancy or child and has completely wiped me off. I feel so scared, rejected and isolated and completely torn between the two options and routes I can go down in this situation.
It breaks my heart the thought of being a single mother as this is never ever what I wanted and the thought of a child without a father is even worse. I am worried about the psychological impact on a child.
I am also petrified whatever decision i make that i will regret. The one thing I have always wanted I now could possibly have but the circumstances are so so wrong 😢
I feel like I’ve jumped from one mess into another.
Is there anyone who can give some help and support please.
It is much appreciated x21 October 2018 at 3:45 pm #17053
Congratulations! You understand no-one can make the decision for you re continuing with the pregnancy or not, and I appreciate it’s less than ideal circumstances and not how you planned it. My plan was married by 25, have 3-4kids and live happily ever after but unfortunately it didn’t turn out like that. I never got married, I had 3 kids and the happily ever after comes easily despite being a single mum 😁 I know your head is likely to be all over the place, but just keep it simple. Which horrifies you the most; getting to the end of your life never having children or bringing up a child single handed? Potentially you may meet someone in the next few years and have children together, but equally you may not. They might already have children themselves. Don’t let social pressure sway your decision (either against termination or single parent stigma), it’s up to you to take from this life what you want, that way when you’re old you’ll hopefully have no regrets.21 October 2018 at 5:25 pm #17055
Wispa 123… Congratulations. I know that at this stage you probably want everyone to stop saying it so you can digest it all.
DMP… i love your response. I read it and it made me instantly feel good about the decision i made.
In a similar yet different situation. I am 29 weeks pregnant and was similar in hoping that i would be married with kids by now.. I still have not come to terms with the fact a first time father or any father would not want anything to do with his child… baffling.
I have only recently got to a stage where i understand that we can only control what we do as human beings and that he is the one that is going to miss out on such an amazing journey, the opportunity to raise his son.
Personally i feel that if he doesn’t want a part of his childs’ life then your child is better off without him. There are plenty of people that are in toxic relationships that have children… is that a better psychological situation for your child? I agree with DMP i think we feel this way because of social norms but this day and age there are so many types of families and huge diversity that is absolutely ok….. we just have to look in the right places.
If you ever just want to rant or let your frustrations out, feel free to message…. just writing this message has stopped my crying so thanks for listening 🙂21 October 2018 at 5:46 pm #17058
Thank you all so much for the words of support. I appreciate it all so so much. It just scares me doing it alone I guess and a little baby having no dad xxx21 October 2018 at 9:16 pm #17070
My situation was I was with someone on and off for 21 years, I fell pregnant unexpected but I never imagined he would refuse to have anything to do with him. I’m 25 weeks now and am really excited, Personally I never thought of not going through with it, I have a really supportive family but like you can’t get my head around how anyone could want nothing to do with his own son – shows you never really know some people.
I truly believe my son will be better off without the father in his life as he would only be in and out which is no good for any child.
Sorry for the ramble just wanted to get that out.