Unbearable grief, financial worry & sadness
5 July 2020 at 8:49 pm #42032
Hi, I am also newly single after 18 yrs being together (15 married) and right up to the day he left I believed we were the strongest, happiest of couples. it came as such a shock to me and everyone around us and every morning when I wake up it hits me like a tonn of bricks. I feel we have grown into being adults with each other but he seems to think we have both changed and want different things. He has changed, not me.
I now feel out past was a lie, my present is unbearable and I see no happy future. I miss him, but selfishly I miss the life I thought I had.
I feel so scared for my future, he has turned my life upside down, he’d like to sell the family home so we can go our separate ways so I feel he is ripping this from me too and when I said his future was so much rosey being better paid he said I could always get a better paid job. So he wants me to change from the job I love. I feel he has turned everything upside down.
We have only been separated 2 months and I feel everything is just moving too fast. He has worked all through lockdown so I feel he has processed what a normality life looks like. I do not have a clue how this will look as I’ve had (sometimes luxury) to be confined to our 4 walls.
It makes me so sad and due to the current lock down, I just find myself obsessing about it all day long.
if anyone has any advice from a similar situation, I’d appreciate it. Does he have the right to force the sale of our family home?
TIA6 July 2020 at 8:27 pm #42051
I’m really sorry to hear this. I can only relate from an emotional point of view but if I were you I’d give a solicitor a ring for some advice or citizens advice in relation to the financial side of things. Message me if you’d like to chat.6 July 2020 at 9:05 pm #42053
A Solicitor might be able to apply for a Mesher Order which prevents the sale of the house until a certain time; usually when a child leaves full time education.6 July 2020 at 10:41 pm #42054
Sorry your going through this. I’m about to start a very similar road after 24 years. Mixed emotions, sad to be giving up my home I worked hard for, sad for my sons that their family unit is changing and sad for the loss of a good man that used to love me. On the flip side I can’t continue to be with someone who doesn’t love me as I deserve to be. Men are selfish and often blame the partner for what is happening, rather than owning up.
things will get easier, there will be brighter days and you will go onto be happy again. Good luck to you. Be strong. X6 July 2020 at 11:48 pm #42057
Thank you for your kind words. I have spoken with him tonight and he’s agreed to slow down. I am booked in with a solicitor next week. I think I will do this so I can get some clarity of what he can & cant do.7 July 2020 at 9:51 am #42063
Your message was my life 2 1/2 years ago. I felt like my life had been thrown in the air and landed completely differently. My ex wanted to sell the family home 2 weeks after he walked out! I was terrified. And heartbroken as it was the only home our son had ever known.
Talking to a Solicitor is my best advice. Knowledge is power, and certainly helped me in my discussions with my ex. I also made every single conversation about our son‘s best interests as he couldn’t really argue with that.
Fast forward to now. I’m settled in a new home with my son, I’ve gone full time and moved jobs and I’m divorced.
Take it one day at a time, 1 hour if you have to. Spend 2 minutes at the end of each day praising yourself for things you’ve achieved that day. If that’s that you’ve fed the kids and washed up, that’s ok. Surround yourself with supportive friends and family, and be kind to yourself.
If I can help in any way, even just to listen, please just message me.
Take care x12 July 2020 at 2:33 pm #42181
Thank you. It’s nice to know others have or are coming out the other side. I have spoke with a solicitor. I need to find out my borrowing capacity. Because I work and there’s a lot of equity in the house, a judge could order us to sell & split as I can afford ‘a’ house but maybe just not this one.
I do have a lot of friends around me but I still feel so lonely. I dont want to encroach on their family time. Or I just feel like I’m imposing on them.13 July 2020 at 7:57 pm #42216
Your words resonate so much, my ex and i were together 16 years and have 2 boys, it has not been good for the last year, he changed became distant, resented that i earnt less so he didnt have as much free money, although i had none at all. He moved out January but back in when lockdown started to look after boys as i am a keyworker and he could work from home, he moved out again last week. I dont miss him as much as the idea of what i thought we had, i get very sad and anxious, the tiniest set back is like a mountain to me. I also get jealous that he can do more with the kids and has free time while i feel like a shell and no motivation to do anything when the kids are not with me. He is a good dad and is trying to be friends with me but i am still shocked about whats happened and grieving the future i thought we had. Hope your okay, yournot alone in this, sorry i have no practical advice for you but understanding xxx13 July 2020 at 10:36 pm #42223
I feel like I’m reading my own story which seems to be far too common. I was with my husband for 25 years and married for 20 this year although we had separated before our anniversary. He left saying he didn’t feel like he was loved or appreciated anymore and funnily enough he’s now with another woman. She’s 14 years younger than him so I guess it was a midlife crisis. The sad thing two families torn apart by lies and deceit. My kids never want to see him again and haven’t done since January. It still breaks my heart a year on will I ever forgive him?20 July 2020 at 9:56 am #42360
I have just joined, as going through a divorce currently after being with my ex for 18 years, married for 12 of those. Just reading all these replies helps me realize we are not alone. The last reply resonated with me so much. My ex stated he didn’t feel loved or appreciated, and that I wasn’t treating him right. Regardless of how he treated me! You are not the only one going through a time like this. My ex also told me someone at work had shown and interest in him and that they had met for lunch, and it felt nice to be appreciated.
You will have good and bad days, I found getting advice on where you stand helps, and taking one day at a time. I write down a list each morning of what I want to try and achieve and then at the end of the day write down something positive from the day. Even if it is just that I got the washing done!
Keep going, I think the support on here is brilliant.
Take care20 July 2020 at 12:13 pm #42364
This is my life now here if you need someone to talk too. I cannot believe my husband did this to myself and our baby.
He only talks to our baby via video calls totally ignores me and I am lost.20 July 2020 at 6:15 pm #42383
This is my life, apart from the fact we have no house to sell. Hes living such a great life going away seeinb friends having a right time of it. Doesnt see the kids help other than child maintenance. Hes made me out to be someone that I really am not, saying I wont let him see our kids, when I’ve begged him for months to see them here or at his or his mums the park anywhere with or without me.
My friends tell me to get legal advice but I’m like why? If he doesnt want to see them or communicate what is a solicitor rven going to do? So I just sit snd keep my mouth shut. Every day I wake up and there it is. The physical pain deep inside me unbearable sometimes it hits like a freight train, my past present and whole future just …. gone.
Here if you woukd like to chat